I turned 40 last weekend, and as I reflected on that, I wondered what I’d tell my kid about what I’d learned on the planet so far. This is what I came up with.


1. Unless you’re in the business of saving lives at work, you aren’t. It’s okay for not everything to be treated like a life-threatening situation.

2. Maya Angelou was right. When someone shows you who they really are, believe them. The first time.

3. Life changes on a dime. Hug more people because they too often disappear and you’ll regret not doing so.

4. Have a hobby of your own. People who are interested in something are far more interesting themselves.

5. Read. A lot.

6. Work does not define your worth. What do you for a living isn’t who you are. And if you let it become that, it quickly becomes a trap that’s very difficult to escape.

7. Take your vacation days. All of them.

8. Don’t wait until you’re “ready”. Because you’ll never, ever be ready.

9. Money can supply freedom of choice, but it can also very quickly and swiftly create assholes. If you come into money, be mindful.

10. Boring people start rumors about other people. Interesting people never admit which ones about them are true. And let’s face it, one always is.

11. Spend money on: jeans, skin care, a quality haircut and good kitchen knives.

12. Don’t spend money on: cars (unless they themselves are your passion), handbags with logos all over them, yet another diet program.

13. Adopt your pets.

14. It’s okay to not be good at some things. It’s even better if you’re self-aware enough to know what your challenges are.

15. Grownups communicate with each other, and err on the side of communicating more rather than less.

16. Never have or attend a meeting that doesn’t have an agenda.

17. Turn off your cell phone sometimes. I promise you’ll survive.

18. Stop working after 7pm except in extenuating circumstances. The only work-life balance you’ll ever get is the kind you create for yourself.

19. Having a good boss is 80-90% of the “happy at work” equation.

20. Learn to cook, and teach your kids.

21. Confidence is sexy. Arrogance is ugly. The difference? Humility.

22. As much as we’d all like to believe our work speaks for itself, it doesn’t. Be your own advocate (but see point 22).

23. Ladies: Never wait for a man to buy you jewelry.

24. Men: Never wait for a woman to dress you well.

25. Never, ever loan money to friends. No, seriously. Don’t do it.

26. Put your freakin’ dog on a leash. The leash isn’t for you. It’s for other people, and if you don’t do it, you’re an ass. Want to prove how obedient your dog is? Go compete or something. We’ll all be super impressed.

27. Learn to say “I’m sorry” and to shut up afterward.

28. Get a therapist. There are very few of us that couldn’t benefit from a great one.

29. Mental health, its care, and its treatment is one of the most misunderstood and critical issues of our generation.

30. Let your kid fail sometimes. Hug them hard when they do, but let them fail.

31. Your parents are humans, too. Forgive them for the things they struggle with and don’t do perfectly.

32. You are worthy, and you are enough, today, right now, just as you are. But as much as you needed to hear it, someone you love needs to hear it, too. Tell them.

33. The internet isn’t the problem. Human nature is the problem. The internet is just the magnifying glass.

34. Silence is underrated.

35. Never, I mean EVER, change who you truly are because you think someone else will like you more. It seems elementary, but we all fuck it up pretty royally. Stop trying to please Them. Just stop.

36. If he cheated on her/him, especially with you, he’ll cheat on you too.

37. Block and unfriend the jackasses. Now. Online, or in real life. You don’t have to tolerate that shit.

38. Compassion is the single most valuable personal skill you can cultivate and the greatest gift you can give to another human.

39. Take some risks. The only irreversible consequence is death.

40. Let other people love you. You’re really worth it. I promise.