You’ve heard me talk a lot about what I’ve been calling “living out loud”, or finding your voice online to show and tell who you are to the world without fear.

But let’s talk about the reality of this for a second: most of you have jobs, professional ones, and you’re wondering how much “authenticity” you can bring to the world on the web without putting your job at risk, or your professional reputation on the line.

Authenticity vs. Baring It All

The most important distinction I can draw for you is this: being true to yourself doesn’t have to mean sharing everything and everything without filters. That might work for some people who have built their own personal or professional reputation for just that. Someone like Erika Napoletano, whose work I love, or Julien Smith who I’ve always known to pull zero punches but who now leads a very successful startup.

The more important idea behind living out loud is to find your digital comfort zone, but not to let someone else’s boundaries dictate yours.

Some people feel comfortable talking about their kids, some don’t. Both are perfectly fine answers, and both are completely authentic – true to those people – because they’re making the choice.

Authenticity is about something ringing “true to you” both in your own mind and that the emotional aftertaste you leave with others (thanks, Ze Frank, for that concept) is one that makes them feel like what you’re putting out there is truly, unequivocally you, even if it has editorial boundaries for personal or professional reasons.

From Personal Experience…

I’ve had a not-insignificant platform online now for a few years, and during that time, I have always had to balance the personal and professional thing. I’m a sales and marketing executive for tech companies, and they certainly don’t want me out there reflecting poorly on the company while I pursue having a “live out loud” moment, so I’ve had to learn to balance. Here are a few tips:

1. Controversial topics are that for a reason. They’re incendiary and can cause blow ups quickly. I won’t advocate that you avoid them at all costs, because that could run counter to your belief system. But if you do choose to talk about things like race, religion, politics or the like (and it is a choice), you HAVE to be willing to set discussion boundaries (what you will and won’t tolerate within the ensuing discussion), and remember that this whole thing is taking place publicly. How you participate in these discussions is much more important than the topics themselves. The freedom to have a conversation and express a view doesn’t free you from the consequences of that choice, so weigh those outcomes accordingly.

2. Never get into arguments in a public forum. I stick to the “2 response rule”. I’ll reply to a critical or confrontational comment twice with the goal of either clarifying a point or expressing my desire to take the conversation to a more appropriate channel. After that, I bow out of the discussion. Yes, you can choose not to respond, and sometimes that’s the best choice.

3. My choice to “live out loud” doesn’t negate other people’s right to choose not to do so. I never, ever break confidences or share other people’s information or news without them telling me it’s okay to do so. My comfort zone isn’t the same as someone else’s, and it doesn’t have to be. Living out loud is relative, and so I’m conscious of making sure I don’t impose my choices on others in a way they can’t control.

4. You can disclaim your tweets and posts all you want, but how you conduct yourself online DOES and WILL reflect on you personally as well as professionally. Yes, that means the association with your work is there if you can be publicly associated with your job as well as your personal online platform. The disclaimer might absolve your employer from responsibility should you do or say something egregious, but it does NOT take away the consequences and impact of your actions. Know that going in, and make choices accordingly.

5. Communities are your friend. One of the things I love about the web is its infinite ability to help you find the nooks and crannies of the internet and the people you relate to most. Facebook has an infinite number of communities. Forums and membership sites are still alive and well. Blogs provide a great “tribe” around topics and philosophies of interest. If you crave expression and connection with people who understand you, they can be a great option but still help you keep your audiences a little more limited and separate.

6. Your comfort zone can and should evolve. As we all grow, our tolerance levels, points of view, and comfort with personal expression change, too. That’s perfectly okay and normal. It can help to do a personal little “audit” (it’s much less formal than that, but it’s the right idea) every so often or when you have major lifestyle changes like a new job or getting married or having a kid. How do you feel about your online experience today vs. 6 months ago? What are you comfortable expressing, and what’s in your “off limits” zone? What can you do to cultivate a sense of self and belonging online that doesn’t make you feel like you’re putting yourself at risk? It’s good to take stock of those questions on occasion to see if you’re still feeling good about where things are.

Having and establishing a voice and a tribe is a gift, but it’s one that takes proper care and feeding if it’s going to contribute to your life in a positive, enriching way.

The reality is that our online selves are just an extension of our offline selves today, and I think they deserve as much forethought as we give to the rest of our personal and professional self-expression. Because while you can sometimes try to keep things separate, trying to fracture ourselves in too many ways becomes exhausting, not helpful.

Sharing your unique take on the world is so important today as we all strive to embrace diversity rather than divisiveness. I want to hear what you have to say, and I want to know more about you and what makes you tick. But I want you to do it too in a way that makes you feel safe, accepted, understood and like you belong.

What kinds of challenges have you encountered balancing personal and professional online that I might be able to help with? I’d love to hear from you in the comments.