I gave a talk a couple weeks ago at the W2O Precommerce Summit at the invitation of the lovely Aaron Strout and Bob Pearson.
When I was thinking about the 10-minute speech – which is much harder than you think – I asked Aaron if there was anything in particular he’d like me to talk about.
His answer was that he wanted me to talk about the differences in storytelling as an individual contributor – a blogger, an “influencer”, a content creator – and then storytelling as a professional representing an organization.
My thesis was simple: the difference is largely scale and ownership, and realizing that when you speak for an organization, you have the responsibility of using your voice on behalf of many rather than just yourself. That’s both challenging and rewarding.
But there is one big thing that both roles have in common that make the difference between success and failure, and that’s having a sense of purpose for your story.
Whether you’re a blogger or a corporate marketing VP, your story needs to have purpose. Emotional hooks. Passion and reason and lots of sense of direction and possibility. I don’t care if you’re telling stories about orphans or animals or technology. Purpose is key.
To illustrate that point, I shared a story about the time I failed terribly at having purpose behind my story, and it cost me the success of my business. I was aimless, directionless and passionless, and it cost me everything.
The talk was finished, I walked offstage, and people came up to me almost immediately.
But it wasn’t the “hey thanks, I learned something” or “hey can I have your card, I’d like to talk to you.”
It was people thanking me for getting up and admitting that I failed. That I started a business venture that didn’t succeed, and that it cost me a lot of money and heartache and relationships in the wake of it.
And more importantly, here I was on the other side of it, thriving.
This breaks my heart.
We all need to know we aren’t alone when we fail. The filtered world of the web shows us so many things about people, but the highlight reels often don’t contain the missteps and the embarrassments and the financial meltdowns and the losses of friends or marriages or houses or credit ratings or reputations.
But those exist. And so many of us sit in corners, wrecked, totally convinced that we’re the only ones who were stupid enough to get ourselves in this place. What disasters we must be.
But I’m all about sharing that stuff.
People sometimes get all uppity about my “oversharing”, because things that aren’t pretty make us uncomfortable, and it makes us have to feel complicated feelings and look in the mirror and wonder where we fit into those stories.
[If you’re uncomfortable with the realness by the by, the door is over there. You won’t hurt my feelings. Good luck with the rose-colored glasses thing. —> ]
Yet I’m convinced if we all shared just a little more of our failings, a little more about where we made stupid decisions, a little more about how it affected our feelings and our mindsets and our confidence, we just might find a little healing in each other along the way.
So if you have questions about my failings, experiences and learnings along the way, please ask away. I’m happy to share (without sharing anything about others whose stories are not mine to tell).
I think we’re all the better for it.
Thank you, Amber, for tackling this topic, it’s quite cathartic. I’ll respond by quoting an important philosopher on the subject:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LstIgtkEe50
I’m speaking as someone who’s also failed a lot – personally (I divorced after 9 years of marriage) and professionally (I fail like 3 times a week, and sometimes wonder how I still manage to hold onto the job I love). Each failure has made me less afraid to make bolder choices that have potentially a bigger impact – but not because failure is a good thing at all.
Before I failed so often, my approach to life was like a live performance art version of the game Operation – “eaaasy, careful, don’t touch the edg-” *BZZT* “GAH, FAHK!”. And now? Now I’m tackling the biggest, funnest challenges of my career, have a far more fulfilling personal life than I could’ve dared imagine just a few years ago, and commute via velociraptor every other day – and I’m still failing regularly. The failures still suck, and I still wring my teeth and gnash my hands!
The reason for my own turnaround is that overcoming each failure helped me trust myself. When things were going south, I found reserves of willpower and hustle within me that I didn’t know were there before. When I fucked up, and the world didn’t end, or I was able to make things right (better, even), I trusted I could do it again if I needed to, and handle the consequences – sometimes even with something approaching aplomb.
So my contribution to this discussion is that, I have to strongly caution against Failure being embraced as a good thing that’ll magically improve your life – it’s not. It’s fucking failure! If you screw up, it hurts, it’s supposed to! Failure sucks, and people are right to avoid it – but you shouldn’t be afraid of it – most of the time… I think this is an important distinction to make, because otherwise we wind up handing out participation medals to everyone while Rome burns.
I love this comment so much, and you for posting it.
Thank you for calling out the glorification of failure, because that’s definitely not what I’m after here. At all. Failure DOES suck, and it’s by no means something we should aim for. I sure didn’t. I have the pharmaceuticals, the debt and the emotional scars to show that it’s not something you want to “achieve”.
But when it does happen, I guess my point is not hiding and cowering in shame. It’s part of life, and learning something from it as well as talking about it with others can help prevent the same mistakes in the future and also help you avoid the potentially VERY damaging shame spiral that comes with something life-altering like this.
And I agree wholeheartedly with your sentiment about learning to trust yourself. Honestly, after failed (and patently ill-conceived) relationships, failed businesses, and daily minor failures of parenting or execution or what have you, I feel stronger and more confident than ever. I wouldn’t have wished what I went through on anyone, BUT, I’ve learned things about myself that I don’t know if I ever could have or would have learned any other way.
Tell the velociraptor hi for me.
welcome back!!! thank you for tackling / talking about the tough topics – the things we’re all thinking about, dreaming about, and hiding from. As always, you are a breath of fresh air. No one tells it like it is the way you do.
Although sharing experience about failure to people often do ease us, reduce the intensity of worriness and above all helps other to avoid the Same.. But sometimes its just Hard Sharing it.
Though in my past times, i’ve shared some with people but there is still current one haunting me that i’d wish to share but i guess its all about Timing. Additionally its also about how courageous and less timid we are.
Before i hit the ‘Post a Comment’ button, Thanks for sharing this Post as there’s a phrase that stands out in the Content and seems like its meant for me.