Beliefs. Tenets. Base assumptions. Even though they affect everything we say and do, we don’t stop very often, if ever, to really examine them. But they’re there.
We’ve each lived so long with our beliefs that they’re virtually inseparable from who we are. We unthinkingly assume our beliefs are the “right” ones, and that everyone else shares the same beliefs we do.
They don’t.
Most (okay, all) conflict comes down to conflicts of belief. We consider someone rude if they’re communication style isn’t the same as ours. Someone is unethical—to us—if they don’t share the same basic code. We’re shocked (shocked!) that someone doesn’t “engage” the way they’re supposed to.
But when was the last time you stopped and really looked at those beliefs that, at your core, govern everything you do and how you see the world? How can we see how our beliefs do—and don’t—align with those of others if we don’t know what our own beliefs are?
We can’t.
To bring change, we have to know the bias we bring. If we can’t assess why a conflict exists, we can’t resolve it. We have to know where we stand so we know how near or far we are to those around us.
As we said as a part of our launch, Brass Tack Thinking is a set of systems and principles for making things happen. We think there are certain shared beliefs that make change more (or less) likely to happen, and we want to know what those beliefs, those principles, are.
Here are some of mine:
- Every moment of our life is a lesson to be learned.
- The answer is there. Keep looking.
- There’s something good in everything, and everyone.
- The “right” way is the way that works, for us.
- Our mind is the most powerful tool we have.
- Everyone’s equal, but not the same.
What are yours? What do you believe?
There's a LOT of beliefs I could list but that would be one long comment 🙂
One of the most important to me is that pain is necessary to grow. I look at it as a learning opportunity. In a nutshell, “What doesn't kill us makes us stronger”.
By the way, like the change to this new blog. Haven't been here in a week or two and did a double take to make sure I was in the right place LOL
What a wonderful Monday got-to-get-thinking challenge. A couple of my beliefs?
* To make a real difference takes hard work.
* If it was easy, everyone would be doing it.
* Passion and hard work help you redefine “easy”.
Thanks again for posting and tweaking my Monday.
There are lots of quotes that could be thrown out here about assessing beliefs, finding yourself on the majority or minority side, etc, but I think what you are discussing comes down to is that it is important to evaluate not just things that we hold to be self-evident, but also the very basis on which we make decisions frequently. For example, many people do their work a certain way because they have either been told or learned from experience that that way is the best. The innovators and the emerging leaders though stop every now and then to ask why.
Perfection does not exist…not even in my expectations. Everyone has baggage. A quote I keep by my desk, “There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in.” -Leonard Cohen
Tamsen, I'd say you're getting at the heart of what people are made of. The things that motivate us to succeed (well, I guess it depends on what one thinks 'success' really is) are those beliefs that lie within the core of who we are.
One of my beliefs will forever be, “Persistence pays off.” It has been my life motto since the age of 7 and never once has it let me down.
Good question to get the gears clicking on a Monday.
One thing I believe strongly is that if you ask the right question once, you shouldn't need to ask any more questions. Then the only trick is what are the right questions…
The big one for me, and one that hits home with all that has been going on is:
Don't be afraid to ask for what you want…or need.
I agree, Mike. The well-worn path is an easily trod one. To make a new trail we have to work, and hard.
Glad you like the changes! We're looking forward to seeing you here often.
Great ones! I particularly like the last one–isn't it amazing how passion can make even the hardest work worth it? Supports another of my beliefs: that we possess all the resources we need to achieve whatever we want. The trick is, of course, tapping into and directing them…
You've got it exactly, Eric. A friend responded to this same question by saying one of her beliefs is that there are two, tough-to-reconcile cultures: the “guess” culture and the “ask” culture (but that the work to reconcile the two is worth it).
I think curiosity–the hallmark of the “ask” culture–is underrated as a key quality of the ability to bring change.
Ah, the incomparable L. Cohen! One of my favorites. My husband responded to this post with a musical quote as well, from REM: “Perfect is a fault, and fault lines change.”
I love the idea of your 7-year-old self landing on, and adopting, that as a motto!
I worked for a company for a number of years (still do, actually) that describes change as happening at five levels, from internal to external, with our identity at the core. Our identity is defined in many ways by our beliefs (that's why it's so critical we bring them to the surface)–if we want to make a change to who we are, we have to look to our beliefs first.
After beliefs come behaviors (what we think affects what we do), then capabilities (what we do affects what we're capable of), then our environment. The neat thing is that we can go inside out *or* outside in. Sometimes we need to change our environment to change what we're able to do, which affects our behaviors, then our beliefs, then how we see ourselves.
Across all levels, though, is that need for persistent pursuing that which you want to achieve. Thanks so much for your comment, Tim!
…and to recognize when the right question has been answered. Great addition, Rebecca, thank you.
I'd add to the already awesome list that both you and the other commenters have created: Get comfortable with discomfort. I know that comes off a bit negative, but change is often unsettling. It's important to at least accept those feelings of discomfort, embrace them, and not push them away. We stop pursuing change when we fight the discomfort and let it own us. I'm battling with this one as we speak.
Brilliant, Tamsen. Thank you for getting us thinking this Monday. 🙂
And even if you are afraid, ask anyway. That reminds me of another of my beliefs, which I randomly picked up from a Baz Luhrmann movie: “A life lived in fear is a life half lived.”
Well, I just said on Michelle Tripp's BrandForward blog that you are thought provoking. This ought to prove it!
It's our * unconscious * beliefs that always get in our way. Once we bring those nasty buggers out, amazing changes can and do happen. I was with a friend this weekend who wants to be in a relationship. But she was told as a kid that she's “too difficult.” She still carries that belief with her. I had the same belief, until my friend told me “I'm a difficult woman, and I still found someone who loves me.” That changed everything for me. (12 year anniversary coming up in 2 wks.)
I believe that every one of us is inherently Creative, Resourceful and Whole.
I believe that we can't always control our first thought, but we can control the second.
I believe life is a choice. An adventure.
I believe we're meant to grow, evolve and to be a blessing to others. (Others includes the environment and animals.)
I believe joy and appreciation are the highest forms of prayer.
I believe that every “bad” thing can be used for good, if we're open.
I believe that great things can and do happen when you line yourself up for them.
I believe that love is the answer. And that's in business, too.
I believe when in doubt, be kind.
I believe that if you can find the humor, you can handle anything.
Pretty soon you'll all discover how much I love “homeostasis” as a guiding principle for understanding why change is so hard. Suffice to say for the moment that our brains always want us to be operating at our most efficient, which is, in many ways, the most mindless way to be. Our brains want to *not* think about things, and keep the steady state that is the hallmark of homeostasis.
When we change, we disrupt that steady state. It *is* uncomfortable, but that discomfort is the sign that change is happening. When we can get to the point of reframing that discomfort that way (as you have) we're well on our way to making the change happen.
You already know I'm a big fan of yours, Kat, and this list is just another reason why. You're also confirming my belief (as have the other commenters here) that similar belief systems–regardless of our background, religious or otherwise–underpin the mindset that Amber and I think unites those that make a difference in this world.
Happy Anniversary in two weeks! Here's to difficult women–and the partners who enjoy their challenge! 😉
Have you read “The Power of Myth” (Joseph Campbell w/ Moyers)? Talk about rocking your perspective on perspective!
Looking forward to more in this space…thanks!
My belief? Question all beliefs, especially my own.
– Just because we don't know the answers doesn't mean we shouldn't ask the questions.
– Storytelling is the thrust of life, and everyone has a story to tell
– Being a jerk will, in the end, get you nowhere
– Being helpful will, in the end, make all the difference
– It's always, always about people
“Our mind is the most powerful tool we have.” Well said!
A first century leader wrote to his audience in Rome, “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” (Romans 12:2) We can grow. We are called to be transformed, renewed!
Soli Deo gloria
We recently thought about this as it relates to our organization and it came down to 3 things:
1. Everything we do, we do in excellence (you know, if you aren't going to take the time to do it properly, why expend the effort)
2. Nothing is a crisis. (We are an ePub start-up and we are not saving lives)
3. We treat each other with love and respect at ALL times.
I also think for me that one of my favorite sayings is “Oh WT* do whatever it takes” it really helps when something is important to me and I am on the fence.
AND “Nothing is more important than my family.” I learned that lesson the hard way by wtg for someone who was late for an unimportant meeting when I knew I should go home b/c my grandmother wasn't doing well, I was a half-mile from home when she passed. (I won't forget that, and I won't ever put a job before those I love again.) It doesn't mean that I don't work hard and love my work, but when you lose someone you always wish for 1 more minute with them. When you leave a job, you never feel that way.
Great post, it made me think (which is a good thing most of the time).
-Communication can resolve most problems
– Any adversity can be a learning opportunity
– As passionate as I am about what I believe, the person with whom I disagree is equally as passionate about his beliefs. When I remember this, I stay out of many irrational arguments
Not only do we need to know the bias we bring, but just as importantly we need to remember that that bias differs from person to person.
There is nothing either good or bad, bad thinking makes it so- Shakespeare, Hamlet
This has always been one of my favorite quotes. Good and bad are subjective and what may work for you, doesn't always work for someone else.
Another one I always share with my husband is that “it takes all kinds of people to make the world go round”.
Brand new on your site and love what I'm seeing!!
Yeah, thankfully my mom never got sick of me saying, “Why?” “But, whyyyy?” “No, tell me why. I don't get it” when I was a kid 😉 I guess I never learned to stop questioning after that.
National Chronological Events is sometimes like waking up from a nights sleep with tangles in one's hair. Therefore, properly analyzing the current belief system, based upon false intelligence, creating anxious -fear, violent realities, is understanding how government created that false belief system, shackling minds with bias, half-truths and down right ignorance.
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said, “Science has given us the atomic bomb, creating fears and anxieties science can never mitigate”. In other words, this generations equally shackled mind has been nutured by the pacifier of wars anxieties and fears past ; America's world war 2 life void equally un- creates this generations atmosphere and psyche.
The problem:E=MC2
The Soloution: C2=EM
WE cannot solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them. – Albert Einstein.
“Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius — and a lot of courage — to move in the opposite direction.”
Equal Freedom For All American's
You have so many great comments written for this post..so I will keep it brief. This is refreshing! Makes me think of a piece of classical rhetoric from grad school called Disoi Logoi – written to help others see the opposing side or argument. We should use this post daily, keep looking at others' points of view. Thanks, BR
Hi there, loving the new blog. Have been a fan of Ambers for a while, so looking forward to getting acquainted with your posts too Tamsen.
I have many, but I've whittled it down to three key beliefs that keep me grounded:
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you
Your thoughts, beliefs and reality are just that YOUR reality. Other peoples reality may be entirely different (fits nicely with the theme of this post)
Always forgive, even if you can't forget
Loving your 'there's something good in everything and everyone' sometimes it's hard to see, but if we look hard enough, we'll find it.
I believe (*a-hum*) that more than “what you believe”, you also have to look at what those beliefs lead you to expect. “I believe in fair play” doesn't cause conflict, but when I expect others to play fair, that's when sparks may fly. If I expect others to react negatively to my suggestions, I won't bring about change.
Everyone has their own fantastic, beautiful, unique individuality and humanity. Just not every has found theirs.
Everyone has their own fantastic, beautiful, unique individuality and humanity. Just not every has found theirs.
Yes, yes yes yes yes yes. You've pegged this so precisely I'm going to use it in my next post…!
Yes, yes yes yes yes yes. You've pegged this so precisely I'm going to use it in my next post…!