Change is a funny thing.
It’s a constant state — and so is our fight against it. We’re wired to fight change. And yet, the more we fight — the more we resist — the more painful change can be.
(Stress, after all, comes from wishing things to be other than they are….)
Change is a process, one governed by a tradeoff between time and energy. Yes, they work together, but in many ways they act as point / counterpoint: you can get through the process of change quickly if you expend a lot of energy. If you work hard to process the change, accept it, and move forward with things in that altered state.
But that’s rarely easy, which is when time takes over… and you have to wait. Which isn’t easy either.
You have to choose your pain.
Yes, it’s a hard choice. It’s harder still when the change that needs to happen — or has already happened — lies between us and others, not just in ourselves. Maybe it’s between two friends. Or colleagues. Maybe it’s between where you are and where you want your staff, or even your company, to be.
You may be ready to spend that energy and go through the process, and get to the other side where things feel comfortable and normal again, even if it’s a new normal.
But if they’re not ready (or if they’re skeptical, or unwilling, or hesitant or or or…), then you can spend a lot of (usually pretty painful) energy on trying to make them get them through the process, in trying to make them see the benefits, in trying to make them see that on the other side of that roller coaster of change lies safe and solid, if different, ground.
But people change when they’re ready, not when you are.
So sometimes you have to change to bring a change about. Maybe you have to change how you think, or how you see the situation. Or your approach.
Sometimes you have to change… like the wind. You have to be constant, not confrontational. Powerful, not pushy. You have to surround, not attack. Wear away, not break apart.
Timely! Thanks Tamsen needed to read this especially now. Change is never easy for me, but in almost every case the result always seems to be for the better. It’s the waiting for it to happen that’s so difficult for me.
Thanks again….love the way you write and connect.
Lois
Change is hard — terribly so — especially when we’re impatient by nature,
and lord, I am. So I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about it for my own
sake, and with my work with Weight Watchers, helping others set time aside
as they work towards their goals. It’s never easy — we so love deadlines as
much as we rail against them — but sometimes it helps to note the direction
and the distance, not just the speed.
Thank *you* Lois for taking the time to comment — and for always being such
a warm presence whenever we meet.
Thanks Tamsen for your insight and encouragement. Your words ring strong with truth. Encouragement to implement change is always available …for the taking… at your WW meetings. I admire you and what you do there. Miss it too…miss you. Change. If we’re not six feet under…well, it’s inevitable! Be well, my friend…..ciao bella, joyce
It’s always so good to hear from you, Joyce, in whatever forum! You
certainly don’t lack for encouraging words for others; it’s one of the
things I like most about you. Hope to see you soon!
I’ve had so many times in my life where slowly working away at change has lead to great things that I don’t know why I still get so frustrated when I’m ready for change and it’s not happening NOW. I think that sometimes the process to get to wanting change takes so much that it’s easy to expect the change to be the easy part. The reality, as you point out so well, is that the actual changing often takes just as much effort if not more. Hard to take when you’re in the middle of it, but a great reminder that it’s generally worth it in the end. 🙂
The only consistency is the inconsistency of change. It’s not going anywhere… you can flight or fight… let me suggest the middle way… and flow.
I find that change that happens between us and others mostly is really a change in ourselves. It’s like with water, if you stand immovable you will eventually be flooded away, you have to be fluid and adapt to the situation, causing a change in you before anything else.
This doesn’t mean giving in all the time, but learning when it’s strategically more reasonable to bend and adapt and, doing so, cause change in others.
Change is that daily challenge of a whole new set of opportunities. Grow up, face it , embrace it. The eternity of death is the only alternative…
Change is a natural part of life – it may, in fact, be the only real evidence of life. I do agree that it is hard to change, especially when the way that you have been doing things is what you’re used to and what makes you comfortable. As a student of PR that is interested in branding, it makes me think that it must be difficult do try to help a brand work to change their image. How do you help a company bring about a more effective change in their brand, especially if they are reluctant to leave what they’ve always known? I think this is a really interesting post and I would love to hear your input!