signpostThe more popular social media gets, the more we’re developing mantras about what’s right and wrong, what’s okay and not, what’s acceptable or valuable or measurable or tasteful.  This happens with everything, especially in business, and it’s endemic to the humanity behind all of this stuff.

So many of us have been waiting for years for a communication approach for business that doesn’t feel contrived and scripted. We are passionate about people connections and really, truly personal relationships with individuals, and we’ve become fiercely protective of what many of us are hoping is a new way of approaching people and relationships, both personally and in business.

That’s all good. I’m in your camp. I love people. I love humanized and personalized communication. I love the idea that we’re bringing stale practices into the spotlight to pick them apart and hopefully build something better and more promising down the road.

But boy am I getting tired of the self-righteousness and negativity. There’s more than one way to skin a cat, isn’t there? Do we all have to be lemmings and do things the same way, and doesn’t the very opt-in nature of all of this mean that we can choose what we tolerate, change those choices, and eventually gather with like-minded individuals if we so choose?

To me, the only things that are universally unacceptable:

  • personal and defamatory attacks
  • forcing down barriers I have erected to keep you out, like violating  opt-outs I have initiated.
  • invasions of personal privacy, which alludes to both of the above

Do I find spam and MLM and all that stuff distasteful and annoying? You bet I do. I’ll likely whine about it, because I’m human and it interrupts my world. Then I’ll unfollow or unfriend you, even though it creates work for me, but that’s the price I pay for wanting to be part of the larger network. Work that’s worthwhile to keep my stream clean of the junk I don’t want. Thankfully, I have the option. If it gets too much to bear, you can bet I’ll be making some difficult decisions about whether I stay in these wide open spaces, or whether I choose to change my participation online and focus on places where the filters are tighter.

But please stop with the preaching about the sanctity of social media. The web is about business too, and people are experimenting and figuring out what works. That means you won’t like some of the approaches. You’ll be offended that someone is trying to make money off of something you hold so personally dear. That they’re sponsoring their tweets or putting ads on their blog or updating their Facebook status too much with games and quizzes.

Then stop giving them your attention. Focus elsewhere. Let them follow their own path and allow THEIR community or customers or audience or followers speak with THEIR attention. And above all, can we please stop vilifying and labeling people that do things differently than we do?  It’s really driving me crazy, and it’s giving business the impression that we’re a snarky, negative bunch just waiting to pounce on the next person who doesn’t fit our mold. If their approach is truly broken, they’ll learn by virtue of an empty room.

Also, we as empassioned advocates of these tools and strategies need to understand something very clearly: many businesses and people aren’t even close to immersion in this stuff. Not even close. Some of them are just starting, many don’t understand it, and they need stepping stones along the way.  They’re not going to go from zero to perfection (and again, that’s subjective). That means tolerance and guidance and patience and teaching from those of us hopping up and down that we know and understand the potential when it’s “done right”.

Same goes for the contrarians that have now decided it’s cooler instead to be the anti-social media folks. The ones saying that SM isn’t valuable, measurable, applicable, whatever. That’s fine. Don’t use it. No one is forcing you, and you’re certainly not going to hurt my feelings if you don’t want to follow me on Twitter anymore or if you don’t think any of this is worth your time. Do it your way. That’s the beauty of all of this. But stop beating people up because they do find value in this. Your negativity and snark alone isn’t teaching anyone a thing.

I try very hard to back up my frustrations with constructive alternatives. In other words, I lecture myself about this very subject. Because if I’m going to have any credibility at all in my field and using these approaches and tools to help businesses and their people do things better, I need to be able to explain why some strategies might be more effective than others. I can’t just tell them “don’t sell on Twitter” unless I can explain to them what approach is better and more fruitful, and prove it. And I can’t just say this stuff is valuable without articulating why and how it matters.

I am working my butt off each and every day to try and build value in this stuff, and share what I know with you. You don’t have to agree. And to that end, I welcome your discussion, your articulate arguments, your debate and your sharing of what you know and believe. There is beauty in graceful discourse.

But I’m all done with the preaching and blustering and “you’re doing it wrong” stuff. This is far too vast a countryside for there to be one path through the dirt. And I’m going to follow my own advice, choose to focus elsewhere, and build something instead (now that I’ve got this post out of my system 🙂 ).

So, hey. If I’m doing it wrong and if my approach is all bent out of shape, go prove me wrong. Go build something bigger and better and kick my butt. We have the same tools at our disposal and the same 24 hours in each day, what differs is our priorities, work ethic, approach, mindset, and strategy.  Do it differently. Show me up. Create something amazing. Lead by example. You have a choice. I’m eager to learn from you.

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