There are a million things I love about the digital, bite-sized world.
I love the rapidity of connections and fleeting, random thoughts that turn into bigger ideas. I love short bursts of succinct brilliance on Twitter. I love Facebook status updates that give me fleeting glances into someone’s world when I haven’t seen them in a long time. I love that I can scan my RSS reader and digest, in bite-sized bits, pieces of news and information that I couldn’t possibly take in all at once.
But there is grace and beauty in a long, languishing conversation.
The medium isn’t everything – it can still be on a blog or a chat room or IM or phone or whatever other place makes you comfortable. But rather it’s the intent; the intent to settle in deeply and explore something (or someone) carefully and patiently while the frenetic pace of the rest of the world just waits.
Part of what I’d like to see more of us embrace about social channels isn’t just the more. I want to see digital connections be the catalyst for the conversations that move us to better things.
I was fortunate to spend some time at PodCamp Boston this past weekend, and had some very lazy, drifting conversations that were quite wonderful. The topics ranged mightily, but among the nerds with our laptops and iPhones in tow, a few of us managed to steal some quiet moments away from the fray and talk. About things. And connect in ways that you really only can in dedicated time and human space, beyond 140 characters.
When you’re compelled to move quickly onto the next thing on your list or the next connection in your inbox or the flashy message light on your phone, remember once in a while to give into the conversation that takes more time. Give over to the idea that the connection isn’t the goal, but the portal through which rich and rewarding things can happen.
I’m having my long conversation with my two-year-old tonight under the meteor shower. Bedtime be damned.
I like to sometimes sit with a person and say nothing. Just watch the world go by. Is their weird? I like the long conversations that start somewhere and go nowhere and end anywhere. It’s fun.
I like to sometimes sit with a person and say nothing. Just watch the world go by. Is their weird? I like the long conversations that start somewhere and go nowhere and end anywhere. It’s fun.
Indeed. We have to fight the easy temptation of quantity over quality. Sure, we can all have lots of short conversations via Twitter or Facebook, but it can’t supplant the long, leisurely interactions.
One of my current projects is an oral history project interviewing some of our emeriti professors. As one would imagine, those are not short conversations, but they are so full of memory, insight and wisdom that they are remarkable.
Indeed. We have to fight the easy temptation of quantity over quality. Sure, we can all have lots of short conversations via Twitter or Facebook, but it can’t supplant the long, leisurely interactions.
One of my current projects is an oral history project interviewing some of our emeriti professors. As one would imagine, those are not short conversations, but they are so full of memory, insight and wisdom that they are remarkable.
The art of the quiet, long, lazy conversation verses the numerous, multi-tasking chatters we’ve grown accustom to, expect, find necessary…nice reminder, Amber, of that element of relaxed “roll of the tongue” prose we all crave – the unhurried ebb and flow of conversation.
The art of the quiet, long, lazy conversation verses the numerous, multi-tasking chatters we’ve grown accustom to, expect, find necessary…nice reminder, Amber, of that element of relaxed “roll of the tongue” prose we all crave – the unhurried ebb and flow of conversation.
I’ve been having a lot of conversations like that lately and from them I’ve gotten clarity, direction, and a sense of wholeness. A 4-hour brunch conversation has in a week changed the direction of my life in more ways than I could have imagined.
When we give ourselves the time to talk we ask deeper thoughts and give slower answers. It’s living the time of our lives.
Delighted you’re doing that too.
I’ve been having a lot of conversations like that lately and from them I’ve gotten clarity, direction, and a sense of wholeness. A 4-hour brunch conversation has in a week changed the direction of my life in more ways than I could have imagined.
When we give ourselves the time to talk we ask deeper thoughts and give slower answers. It’s living the time of our lives.
Delighted you’re doing that too.
Seems to me that our social networks (Facebook, Twitter, etc) and blogs are great conversation starters. By staying tuned in, we have visibility to all the potential “long conversations” out there and the people we might have them with.
In my experience, these long conversations more often take place offline. That’s why I find it interesting that some say social networks are making us antisocial when in actuality, we are frequently using our online interactions in order to meet, have these long conversations IRL.
Seems to me that our social networks (Facebook, Twitter, etc) and blogs are great conversation starters. By staying tuned in, we have visibility to all the potential “long conversations” out there and the people we might have them with.
In my experience, these long conversations more often take place offline. That’s why I find it interesting that some say social networks are making us antisocial when in actuality, we are frequently using our online interactions in order to meet, have these long conversations IRL.
Long conversations require us to slow down to human speed and not the speed of whatever technology we use. It requires being present with whom we are conversing with and actively listen. It truly is sharing the moment with someone and can be much more challenging.
Human contact is important for our well being even if it’s just sitting quietly with a friend or two without words, just sharing the space.
Sometimes it’s important to turn off the outside influences and just be. There are certain times through the year where I forgo all media input, turn off the TV, computer and radio. Stop reading magazines, newspapers and books. Just be alone with my own thoughts, pick up a musical instrument, a paint brush or a pen and let the stuff in me come out.
It’s not easy, most will find it very difficult fearing they will miss something, I’ve felt that, but it is liberating. You have those long conversations, you come up with those ideas, you create that piece of art and know it’s from you.
Thanks for the thoughtful post, it’s time to check out the Perseid showers.
Long conversations require us to slow down to human speed and not the speed of whatever technology we use. It requires being present with whom we are conversing with and actively listen. It truly is sharing the moment with someone and can be much more challenging.
Human contact is important for our well being even if it’s just sitting quietly with a friend or two without words, just sharing the space.
Sometimes it’s important to turn off the outside influences and just be. There are certain times through the year where I forgo all media input, turn off the TV, computer and radio. Stop reading magazines, newspapers and books. Just be alone with my own thoughts, pick up a musical instrument, a paint brush or a pen and let the stuff in me come out.
It’s not easy, most will find it very difficult fearing they will miss something, I’ve felt that, but it is liberating. You have those long conversations, you come up with those ideas, you create that piece of art and know it’s from you.
Thanks for the thoughtful post, it’s time to check out the Perseid showers.
When I was growing up, my parents owned a place on Keuka Lake (one of the Finger Lakes in upstate NY). My mom was – and still is – a college professor, so she had the summers off. My dad opened one of his then 4 dental practices in the adjacent town, Penn Yan. We spent 3 full months at Keuka Lake every summer for at least 5 years. Keep in mind this was the mid-80s, so no Internet. However, we also had no TV. I played a crapload of board games with my sister, fished off the end of our dock every single morning.evening and
…tying it back to your post…
had some really long conversations with family and friends.
I miss that. I hadn’t thought about how much I miss that until reading your words. So thank you for allowing me to step back in time and reminisce for a bit. Time to pull out some old photos to let the memories continue.
I’m going to wake up the K-Dawg (my wife) and talk with her. My dog (sitting next to me now) is a great listener, but not the best on “long conversations.”
DJ Waldow
Director of Community at Blue Sky Factory
@djwaldow
When I was growing up, my parents owned a place on Keuka Lake (one of the Finger Lakes in upstate NY). My mom was – and still is – a college professor, so she had the summers off. My dad opened one of his then 4 dental practices in the adjacent town, Penn Yan. We spent 3 full months at Keuka Lake every summer for at least 5 years. Keep in mind this was the mid-80s, so no Internet. However, we also had no TV. I played a crapload of board games with my sister, fished off the end of our dock every single morning.evening and
…tying it back to your post…
had some really long conversations with family and friends.
I miss that. I hadn’t thought about how much I miss that until reading your words. So thank you for allowing me to step back in time and reminisce for a bit. Time to pull out some old photos to let the memories continue.
I’m going to wake up the K-Dawg (my wife) and talk with her. My dog (sitting next to me now) is a great listener, but not the best on “long conversations.”
DJ Waldow
Director of Community at Blue Sky Factory
@djwaldow
Love the post. Especially ironic, since I wrote a post today about the need to be short with everything.
I concur that longer is better, but am finding it less and likely viable.
Thanks for the reminder to try harder to make it happen.
Love the post. Especially ironic, since I wrote a post today about the need to be short with everything.
I concur that longer is better, but am finding it less and likely viable.
Thanks for the reminder to try harder to make it happen.
First, I have to say that DJ’s anecdote is priceless. 🙂
As much as I love the digital world, I do feel its nature lends to brevity. Somehow we’ve managed to sacrifice the in-depth conversation by thinking a note on a Facebook wall will make up for it. And while I agree with you that longer, deeper conversations *can* happen online, there’s nothing to replace sitting down with friends and just digging in, face to face.
I’m glad you get to take your online conversations offline so often–through all your conferences and speaking engagements–and I love that you promote this for not just professional connections but personal ones, too. Sometimes it’s too easy to put personal connections on the back burner because you trust they’ll always be there. They won’t, so make the best of them when they are.
Good reminder. Thanks for this. 🙂
First, I have to say that DJ’s anecdote is priceless. 🙂
As much as I love the digital world, I do feel its nature lends to brevity. Somehow we’ve managed to sacrifice the in-depth conversation by thinking a note on a Facebook wall will make up for it. And while I agree with you that longer, deeper conversations *can* happen online, there’s nothing to replace sitting down with friends and just digging in, face to face.
I’m glad you get to take your online conversations offline so often–through all your conferences and speaking engagements–and I love that you promote this for not just professional connections but personal ones, too. Sometimes it’s too easy to put personal connections on the back burner because you trust they’ll always be there. They won’t, so make the best of them when they are.
Good reminder. Thanks for this. 🙂
I think long AND random is the way to go. How else would you know about my shag carpet?
I think long AND random is the way to go. How else would you know about my shag carpet?
It’s been really important to me to try my best to take the next step whenever possible to meet up with people I “know online” at conferences, or when they happen to be in town. Pretty much without fail, they end up being just as awesome in person, and adding that real life connection both deepens and heightens our relationship. To steal a nerdy gaming term, spending time together in person talking (or not talking) is “leveling up” the connection, and gives deeper meaning to further interactions because you’ve shared the same space with someone.
I can honestly say that I’m hugely grateful for the opportunity to have been able to connect with some amazing people through this collection of conversation-enabling tools.
I’ve been in a big transition period in my life this year (new career, some self-reflection and development and drama), and building my tribe (and having the opportunity to be a part of others tribes) has really laid the groundwork for a much more fulfilling existence.
And Jim, spending quiet time with a friend is the most communicative thing you can do, sometimes. What you’re saying is “I’m comfortable enough with you to not have to fill every moment with words. I enjoy just being with you and sharing our energy.” Some of the best moments in recent memory have been like that.
It’s been really important to me to try my best to take the next step whenever possible to meet up with people I “know online” at conferences, or when they happen to be in town. Pretty much without fail, they end up being just as awesome in person, and adding that real life connection both deepens and heightens our relationship. To steal a nerdy gaming term, spending time together in person talking (or not talking) is “leveling up” the connection, and gives deeper meaning to further interactions because you’ve shared the same space with someone.
I can honestly say that I’m hugely grateful for the opportunity to have been able to connect with some amazing people through this collection of conversation-enabling tools.
I’ve been in a big transition period in my life this year (new career, some self-reflection and development and drama), and building my tribe (and having the opportunity to be a part of others tribes) has really laid the groundwork for a much more fulfilling existence.
And Jim, spending quiet time with a friend is the most communicative thing you can do, sometimes. What you’re saying is “I’m comfortable enough with you to not have to fill every moment with words. I enjoy just being with you and sharing our energy.” Some of the best moments in recent memory have been like that.
I believe you can learn a lot from someone and when you have a 60 second conversation you aren’t learning much. Not everything can be put into a small box packaged nicely. Sometimes you need the details to learn and to grow and to go outside of the box.
It is great to get out and learn and I think when we read a book instead of reading posts maybe we can learn more! I have been doing my learning from a lot of people but sometimes great conversation and books are the way to go.
I believe you can learn a lot from someone and when you have a 60 second conversation you aren’t learning much. Not everything can be put into a small box packaged nicely. Sometimes you need the details to learn and to grow and to go outside of the box.
It is great to get out and learn and I think when we read a book instead of reading posts maybe we can learn more! I have been doing my learning from a lot of people but sometimes great conversation and books are the way to go.
Just to counter what Jaime wrote, I actually think you *can* learn quite a bit about a person in a 60 second conversation. Certainly not a lot of depth, but it’s the first impression (See Jason Baer’s post, “Get Shorty: The Elevator Pitch is Dead”). I’ve definitely been wrong in the past, but within the first minute or so, I can usually tell if I’m going to jive with a person.
Anyone else?
DJ Waldow
Director of Community at Blue Sky Factory
@djwaldow
Just to counter what Jaime wrote, I actually think you *can* learn quite a bit about a person in a 60 second conversation. Certainly not a lot of depth, but it’s the first impression (See Jason Baer’s post, “Get Shorty: The Elevator Pitch is Dead”). I’ve definitely been wrong in the past, but within the first minute or so, I can usually tell if I’m going to jive with a person.
Anyone else?
DJ Waldow
Director of Community at Blue Sky Factory
@djwaldow
This is a long lost art. The only time this happens to me anymore is when we are at our beach house and there are no phones, or computers and just the beach, food and music
This is a long lost art. The only time this happens to me anymore is when we are at our beach house and there are no phones, or computers and just the beach, food and music
I just love this. Thank you. (Brief response, but very heartfelt.) 🙂
I just love this. Thank you. (Brief response, but very heartfelt.) 🙂
Very good!
As an assistant pastor at a church, Sunday is my connect with everyone briefly day – making sure I get that personal touch with as many people as possible.
But in the week I am constantly spending hours with people. It is the same online – there are those we just have a short touch with – but at some point, we need that long conversation to solidify our relationship
Very good!
As an assistant pastor at a church, Sunday is my connect with everyone briefly day – making sure I get that personal touch with as many people as possible.
But in the week I am constantly spending hours with people. It is the same online – there are those we just have a short touch with – but at some point, we need that long conversation to solidify our relationship