We tweet, we check in, we post status updates.
We send emails. Text messages.
We create content upon content, share content, comment on content, rage against content.
All because at our core, we don’t want to be ignored. We very much want to be noticed.
Being ignored sucks. It sucks to be ignored when you’re sitting there, quietly, just minding your business. It sucks even worse when you put something out there, reach out to someone, and get crickets in return.
We can understand (almost) if we’re ignored when we’re quiet. But if we’re ignored when we’re not, it somehow immediately means that what we’ve said or done must not matter. That it’s valueless, or the recipient doesn’t care much, or that we’re so far down the priority totem pole that we might as well just quit bothering.
But we have to practice being ignored. Get comfortable with it. Sink into the silence. Why?
Because it gives us plenty of time to consider our surroundings. Absorb. Prepare ourselves for *that* moment. The moment when someone – the right someone – breaks their silence, comes out of the shadows, asks us for more, asks us what we stand for, and shows us that they’ve actually been paying very close attention.
Will you be ready?
I read a great book called The Mindful Brain that speaks to this very thing. It’s steeped in a mountain of research but gets to the point you have simply made.I love simple.
People are rarely mindful and to a large extent thoughtful anymore. What is cool about that is that it is becoming easier to WOW them when you do take the time.
Thanks for the post – it’s refreshing and so very true.
Hope your day is a compelling one.
The mindful brain, eh? I wonder if the author is a yoga practitioner and a follower of minimalism.
I agree that many lack mindfulness — though not due to lack of thoughtfulness but because of society and a need to rush, rush, rush. When was the last time you ate something and TASTED what you ate? Or, did you eat because you eat everyday and maybe you watched the TV or read a book while eating? Until you can eat for the pleasure and the sensation and the act of eating, you will never understand eating and you will never be in the moment.
.-= Ari Herzog´s last blog ..16 Video Critiques on Blog Content and Layout =-.
I read a great book called The Mindful Brain that speaks to this very thing. It’s steeped in a mountain of research but gets to the point you have simply made.I love simple.
People are rarely mindful and to a large extent thoughtful anymore. What is cool about that is that it is becoming easier to WOW them when you do take the time.
Thanks for the post – it’s refreshing and so very true.
Hope your day is a compelling one.
The mindful brain, eh? I wonder if the author is a yoga practitioner and a follower of minimalism.
I agree that many lack mindfulness — though not due to lack of thoughtfulness but because of society and a need to rush, rush, rush. When was the last time you ate something and TASTED what you ate? Or, did you eat because you eat everyday and maybe you watched the TV or read a book while eating? Until you can eat for the pleasure and the sensation and the act of eating, you will never understand eating and you will never be in the moment.
.-= Ari Herzog´s last blog ..16 Video Critiques on Blog Content and Layout =-.
Hi Amber. Having the comfort and confidence to contribute even when faced with being ignored is pretty key for starting out in social media.
The small businesses I get to work with are a lot more comfortable when people are ignoring their more traditional marketing collateral (because they aren’t faced with the silence from their audience).
Patience is a good antidote. Thanks for the post.
.-= bencurnett´s last blog ..If You’re Happy And You Know It, Write A Post =-.
Hi Amber. Having the comfort and confidence to contribute even when faced with being ignored is pretty key for starting out in social media.
The small businesses I get to work with are a lot more comfortable when people are ignoring their more traditional marketing collateral (because they aren’t faced with the silence from their audience).
Patience is a good antidote. Thanks for the post.
.-= bencurnett´s last blog ..If You’re Happy And You Know It, Write A Post =-.
I think many people are getting too comfortable with electronic media and conducting the bulk of their communications from behind a laptop or via smartphones. If so, you might want to get used to the fact that you’re gonna be ignored more often than not (especially with all the competition for the viewer’s attention out there!)
Want to get noticed? Get out of the house/office and get involved in a community organization. Volunteer your time, offer your services at no cost and/or help create awareness for a good cause in your community. You will not be ignored, I guarantee it.
Nuff said.
.-= Dan Perez´s last blog ..John Travolta presents award for “Best Florida Film” to Dan Perez =-.
I think many people are getting too comfortable with electronic media and conducting the bulk of their communications from behind a laptop or via smartphones. If so, you might want to get used to the fact that you’re gonna be ignored more often than not (especially with all the competition for the viewer’s attention out there!)
Want to get noticed? Get out of the house/office and get involved in a community organization. Volunteer your time, offer your services at no cost and/or help create awareness for a good cause in your community. You will not be ignored, I guarantee it.
Nuff said.
.-= Dan Perez´s last blog ..John Travolta presents award for “Best Florida Film” to Dan Perez =-.
Amber,
Again, excellent post.
Getting noticed is important for all of us, however, each our goals for getting noticed is different based on what we are trying to accomplish by communicating in any format. Twitter for instance, is an interesting bird.
I am ready for someone to come out of the shadows. I will be ready. I am also more than eager and ready to help other folks along the way. You just need to find your wingman and be willing to do the same for others.
Thanks for all you do.
Matt
Hello Amber,
I think you struck the cord with this sentence:
“Absorb. Prepare ourselves for *that* moment. The moment when someone – the right someone – breaks their silence, comes out of the shadows, asks us for more, asks us what we stand for, and shows us that they’ve actually been paying very close attention.”
We have to be aware of what others are doing for reasons of competition. But I agree that accumulating that well of the silence – not from a place of fear, but from a place of contemplation – offers a competitive edge. Knowing that if we hold our ground and build that inner juice – we can dip into it when the moment comes to strike.
Great meeting you at #sobcon!
.-= Judy Martin´s last blog ..Leadership value of the “Golden Rule,” a momento from #SOBCon =-.
Amber,
Again, excellent post.
Getting noticed is important for all of us, however, each our goals for getting noticed is different based on what we are trying to accomplish by communicating in any format. Twitter for instance, is an interesting bird.
I am ready for someone to come out of the shadows. I will be ready. I am also more than eager and ready to help other folks along the way. You just need to find your wingman and be willing to do the same for others.
Thanks for all you do.
Matt
Hello Amber,
I think you struck the cord with this sentence:
“Absorb. Prepare ourselves for *that* moment. The moment when someone – the right someone – breaks their silence, comes out of the shadows, asks us for more, asks us what we stand for, and shows us that they’ve actually been paying very close attention.”
We have to be aware of what others are doing for reasons of competition. But I agree that accumulating that well of the silence – not from a place of fear, but from a place of contemplation – offers a competitive edge. Knowing that if we hold our ground and build that inner juice – we can dip into it when the moment comes to strike.
Great meeting you at #sobcon!
.-= Judy Martin´s last blog ..Leadership value of the “Golden Rule,” a momento from #SOBCon =-.
I think, in addition to this, it’s helpful to remember that ‘being ignored’ isn’t an act of aggression. Everyone has their own lives to lead, and while we all value connection to a large degree (the readers of this blog, for sure), theres only so much time we proactively spend time making sure others feel like they are being paid attention to.
When we learn to check in with ourselves regularly, to not ignore +us+, then the external stroking becomes nice but not essential. And strangely, being comfortable with that feedback loop can lead to deeper connections with others, since there isn’t a subtext of ‘pay attention to me!’
.-= Jeremy Meyers´s last blog ..The one question you must ask when interacting =-.
I think, in addition to this, it’s helpful to remember that ‘being ignored’ isn’t an act of aggression. Everyone has their own lives to lead, and while we all value connection to a large degree (the readers of this blog, for sure), theres only so much time we proactively spend time making sure others feel like they are being paid attention to.
When we learn to check in with ourselves regularly, to not ignore +us+, then the external stroking becomes nice but not essential. And strangely, being comfortable with that feedback loop can lead to deeper connections with others, since there isn’t a subtext of ‘pay attention to me!’
.-= Jeremy Meyers´s last blog ..The one question you must ask when interacting =-.
silence is the new content?
when everyone is talking who could possibly be listening?
i think this is the adjustment we have been waiting for. great post.
.-= amyz5´s last blog ..New Space Upgrades =-.
silence is the new content?
when everyone is talking who could possibly be listening?
i think this is the adjustment we have been waiting for. great post.
.-= amyz5´s last blog ..New Space Upgrades =-.
I thought your post was very interesting, but I wonder if being able to share is more important/profound than knowing you are being ignored.
Sometimes I NEED to feel like people are paying attention to me, even though I know that they are not. Social networking tools like Facebook and Twitter make me feel like I can share, and sometimes just sharing is the most important thing.
In this video (http://lifehacker.com/5541464/start-drawing-your-ideas), Twitter co-founder Jack Dorsey discusses how drawing his ideas helps him better identify with them. The Internet is the ultimate brainstorming tool! Even if everyone is ignoring you, you are creating idea-space for yourself.
Getting something out of my head and into the Internet “ether” can be very freeing. It doesn’t matter if no one responds – what matters is that I let it go.
I thought your post was very interesting, but I wonder if being able to share is more important/profound than knowing you are being ignored.
Sometimes I NEED to feel like people are paying attention to me, even though I know that they are not. Social networking tools like Facebook and Twitter make me feel like I can share, and sometimes just sharing is the most important thing.
In this video (http://lifehacker.com/5541464/start-drawing-your-ideas), Twitter co-founder Jack Dorsey discusses how drawing his ideas helps him better identify with them. The Internet is the ultimate brainstorming tool! Even if everyone is ignoring you, you are creating idea-space for yourself.
Getting something out of my head and into the Internet “ether” can be very freeing. It doesn’t matter if no one responds – what matters is that I let it go.
This is a great post, but there’s a difference between being ignored and people being quiet. My company’s blog, for example, gets very few comments (aside from the daily 100+ spam comments, of course), but we’re getting significant clicks with each entry. Many of those clicks could be from our spam friends, but detailed analytics reveal people are also clicking on the right material from the right sources. It was initially easy for me to sigh and think our message was being ignored and overlooked, but I think it’s more likely that people are consuming the content but keeping quiet when it comes to a response.
In either case, Amber’s message is still very relevant–be patient and prepare for that golden comment that will make the difference–but I’m not convinced that silence equates to being ignored. It might be the case for some, but it’s also possible that the audience is consuming your content but left with little to say.
This is a great post, but there’s a difference between being ignored and people being quiet. My company’s blog, for example, gets very few comments (aside from the daily 100+ spam comments, of course), but we’re getting significant clicks with each entry. Many of those clicks could be from our spam friends, but detailed analytics reveal people are also clicking on the right material from the right sources. It was initially easy for me to sigh and think our message was being ignored and overlooked, but I think it’s more likely that people are consuming the content but keeping quiet when it comes to a response.
In either case, Amber’s message is still very relevant–be patient and prepare for that golden comment that will make the difference–but I’m not convinced that silence equates to being ignored. It might be the case for some, but it’s also possible that the audience is consuming your content but left with little to say.
Hi, Amber – I’ve got a question: do you think any of us reading/commenting have “gotten” what you were writing? Because as I read through, I don’t see anyone who really took away what I think I’m seeing. For me, I see you espousing something like a slow intentional buildup of kinetic energy by being at rest for a time. If no one’s listening, sit tight, take it in, and be ready when the bowstring let’s fly from the archer’s hand. But that at least looks different from everyone else’s take…
.-= Rick´s last blog ..SYMBOLS =-.
Hi, Amber – I’ve got a question: do you think any of us reading/commenting have “gotten” what you were writing? Because as I read through, I don’t see anyone who really took away what I think I’m seeing. For me, I see you espousing something like a slow intentional buildup of kinetic energy by being at rest for a time. If no one’s listening, sit tight, take it in, and be ready when the bowstring let’s fly from the archer’s hand. But that at least looks different from everyone else’s take…
.-= Rick´s last blog ..SYMBOLS =-.
Bingo. And also, this is the one psychological effect of social media that disturbs me – the expectation of people responding to things I say. Whether it’s an @ reply, or just a tweet/status update, I’ve noticed how much the ego is at play here. We all want validation. And it’s quite easy to fall into the ego trap – hitting ‘refresh’ in anticipation of this validation. To see the RT. To have someone say ‘No kidding’ or ‘Amen’ or ‘I agree’ or even ‘you’re wrong’ – this is where social media can suck you into a hole that’s pretty hard to climb out of. Or maybe it’s just me.
.-= Jim Mitchem´s last blog ..Bank Tellers – Original Social Media Gurus =-.
Bingo. And also, this is the one psychological effect of social media that disturbs me – the expectation of people responding to things I say. Whether it’s an @ reply, or just a tweet/status update, I’ve noticed how much the ego is at play here. We all want validation. And it’s quite easy to fall into the ego trap – hitting ‘refresh’ in anticipation of this validation. To see the RT. To have someone say ‘No kidding’ or ‘Amen’ or ‘I agree’ or even ‘you’re wrong’ – this is where social media can suck you into a hole that’s pretty hard to climb out of. Or maybe it’s just me.
.-= Jim Mitchem´s last blog ..Bank Tellers – Original Social Media Gurus =-.
Amber,
Sometimes I think you’re reading my mind. One of the things I struggle with now that I’m regularly blogging is the silence. As you stated, we all want to be noticed, especially when it comes to the content we’re creating. When we get no feedback, we don’t know if it means people weren’t moved to comment or possibly they didn’t spend the time to check it out.
What I find troublesome for myself is when a fair amount of people read my work with no feedback at all. It’s those moments that I try and remind myself I’m writing for me, not them. Whether one person reads or a hundred, my goal of putting it out there is accomplished.
Thanks for writing this.
.-= David Benjamin´s last blog ..Is Your Message Being Lost? =-.
Amber,
Sometimes I think you’re reading my mind. One of the things I struggle with now that I’m regularly blogging is the silence. As you stated, we all want to be noticed, especially when it comes to the content we’re creating. When we get no feedback, we don’t know if it means people weren’t moved to comment or possibly they didn’t spend the time to check it out.
What I find troublesome for myself is when a fair amount of people read my work with no feedback at all. It’s those moments that I try and remind myself I’m writing for me, not them. Whether one person reads or a hundred, my goal of putting it out there is accomplished.
Thanks for writing this.
.-= David Benjamin´s last blog ..Is Your Message Being Lost? =-.
I think demographics come into play here. If your content speaks to the social media space, then you will get feedback, comments, etc. We are the talkative bunch online! If your content speaks to busy business owners, or people who are “lurkers” you may feel like you are being ignored, but you are not. They are just a quiet bunch, with limited time to get online. As hard as it is for us content producers to believe, there are still a lot of people who just don’t like to leave a digital footprint. The good news is, we’re the ones they’ll trust once they begin dipping their toes in the water.
.-= Mary-Lynn´s last blog ..Finding Customers on Facebook =-.
I think demographics come into play here. If your content speaks to the social media space, then you will get feedback, comments, etc. We are the talkative bunch online! If your content speaks to busy business owners, or people who are “lurkers” you may feel like you are being ignored, but you are not. They are just a quiet bunch, with limited time to get online. As hard as it is for us content producers to believe, there are still a lot of people who just don’t like to leave a digital footprint. The good news is, we’re the ones they’ll trust once they begin dipping their toes in the water.
.-= Mary-Lynn´s last blog ..Finding Customers on Facebook =-.
This can so be translated into starting out online or really with just about anything. It takes time to build up awareness and attention. Just because you may eventually have a following of thousands, means very little if anyone is actually listening to you and/or engaged with you and what it is you do.
Be social, network as much as possible, and crank out great stuff I say!
.-= Mike Stenger´s last blog ..A Message To Facebook Users =-.
This can so be translated into starting out online or really with just about anything. It takes time to build up awareness and attention. Just because you may eventually have a following of thousands, means very little if anyone is actually listening to you and/or engaged with you and what it is you do.
Be social, network as much as possible, and crank out great stuff I say!
.-= Mike Stenger´s last blog ..A Message To Facebook Users =-.
Once you’re secure enough to be ignored, your message has some real authenticity.
Being able to recognize, distill and communicate a message and then have the confidence to release it, irrespective of knowing whether its been heard is a sign of social media enlightenment.
Chances are good someone heard it. Chances are also good that someone acted upon it, but that should be immaterial.
Speaking in order to be heard rings false in the space. However, if your message is clean and comes from a place of wanting to build others up, then you’ll have real engagement.
Kinda “woo woo” for a Tuesday afternoon.
Thanks for the forum! Best, M.
.-= @mckra1g´s last blog ..mckra1g: @tresha 1. Fear 2. Ego (fear) 3. transfer of power to structures bc we feel inadequate (fear). =-.
Once you’re secure enough to be ignored, your message has some real authenticity.
Being able to recognize, distill and communicate a message and then have the confidence to release it, irrespective of knowing whether its been heard is a sign of social media enlightenment.
Chances are good someone heard it. Chances are also good that someone acted upon it, but that should be immaterial.
Speaking in order to be heard rings false in the space. However, if your message is clean and comes from a place of wanting to build others up, then you’ll have real engagement.
Kinda “woo woo” for a Tuesday afternoon.
Thanks for the forum! Best, M.
.-= @mckra1g´s last blog ..mckra1g: @tresha 1. Fear 2. Ego (fear) 3. transfer of power to structures bc we feel inadequate (fear). =-.
You mean . . . I’m not the only one ignored? What a relief!
Very well said and good-to-know content. I appreciate your brevity, too, Amber.
You mean . . . I’m not the only one ignored? What a relief!
Very well said and good-to-know content. I appreciate your brevity, too, Amber.
Amber, short and sweet I likey. You are right, even if we’re not getting tons of RTs and blog comments, some people have “actually been paying very close attention.” I’m fine with the comfortable silences, and agree, it’s when people start listening and wanting more, that’s when it matters most. FWIW.
.-= Davina K. Brewer´s last blog ..FlashForward Marketing: The Future of Your Campaign =-.
Amber, short and sweet I likey. You are right, even if we’re not getting tons of RTs and blog comments, some people have “actually been paying very close attention.” I’m fine with the comfortable silences, and agree, it’s when people start listening and wanting more, that’s when it matters most. FWIW.
.-= Davina K. Brewer´s last blog ..FlashForward Marketing: The Future of Your Campaign =-.
I feel this many times Amber, but I write because I have a point of view. I know there are alot of silent readers out there!
.-= Barry Moltz´s last blog ..Join the Social Marketing Challenge with Chevy and the White Sox =-.
I feel this many times Amber, but I write because I have a point of view. I know there are alot of silent readers out there!
.-= Barry Moltz´s last blog ..Join the Social Marketing Challenge with Chevy and the White Sox =-.
The good interactions on my blog posts make it TOTALLY worth the long stretches of silence.
.-= paul merrill´s last blog ..You would never know it =-.
The good interactions on my blog posts make it TOTALLY worth the long stretches of silence.
.-= paul merrill´s last blog ..You would never know it =-.
I think that if you know you’re community, deliver relevant content, and put the right stuff in the stream, you won’t be ignored. And if you are, you should simply learn why, get better at what you do, and make case for someone paying attention. Sort of what you do. 🙂
.-= edward boches´s last blog ..The consumer will see you now =-.
I think that if you know you’re community, deliver relevant content, and put the right stuff in the stream, you won’t be ignored. And if you are, you should simply learn why, get better at what you do, and make case for someone paying attention. Sort of what you do. 🙂
.-= edward boches´s last blog ..The consumer will see you now =-.
Ooops, typos in previous comment.
.-= edward boches´s last blog ..The consumer will see you now =-.
Ooops, typos in previous comment.
.-= edward boches´s last blog ..The consumer will see you now =-.
The mindful brain, eh? I wonder if the author is a yoga practitioner and a follower of minimalism.
I agree that many lack mindfulness — though not due to lack of thoughtfulness but because of society and a need to rush, rush, rush. When was the last time you ate something and TASTED what you ate? Or, did you eat because you eat everyday and maybe you watched the TV or read a book while eating? Until you can eat for the pleasure and the sensation and the act of eating, you will never understand eating and you will never be in the moment.
.-= Ari Herzog´s last blog ..16 Video Critiques on Blog Content and Layout =-.
The mindful brain, eh? I wonder if the author is a yoga practitioner and a follower of minimalism.
I agree that many lack mindfulness — though not due to lack of thoughtfulness but because of society and a need to rush, rush, rush. When was the last time you ate something and TASTED what you ate? Or, did you eat because you eat everyday and maybe you watched the TV or read a book while eating? Until you can eat for the pleasure and the sensation and the act of eating, you will never understand eating and you will never be in the moment.
.-= Ari Herzog´s last blog ..16 Video Critiques on Blog Content and Layout =-.
Needed to hear this today, so thanks 🙂 Maybe I need to dive back into my yoga practice and the corresponding mindfulness and ability to be still. It’s certainly hard when you are trying to build a community, pumping out content, and all you get is crickets.
.-= MainlineMom´s last blog ..Garage Sale Tales =-.
Needed to hear this today, so thanks 🙂 Maybe I need to dive back into my yoga practice and the corresponding mindfulness and ability to be still. It’s certainly hard when you are trying to build a community, pumping out content, and all you get is crickets.
.-= MainlineMom´s last blog ..Garage Sale Tales =-.
I like this. I know my life wouldn't suck half as bad if i just got use to being ignored.
But its so painful every time it happens. Especially since my family, the people i live with, the people
who should care about me the most ignored me more than anyone else.
Its hard not to care.
How do you get use to it?
Hello Amber, thank you for writing the above topic it truly helped me made sense about an issue that has went on almost a year on facebook. Guess if there is a career field specialization about being ignored, I will definitely rank myself as the 'expert' Lol. However, I do need your advise on the following please; I am considering to merge these two accounts and than from there creates a page on fb. Thank you:>>
2.2, Hi Amber, fyi please regarding 'merging' two accounts; I have two accounts on facebook under the same name but for two different objectives; the one' that I've mentioned was initially my personal profile page and the recent new one was built as professional use. Thanks again:>>
This article definitely speaks to me, although I have not learned to be ignored. I find it so hurtful. I wind up deleting posts and start giving up on people and my posts as being interesting or worthwhile. I’ve considered deactivating my account, but then I don’t want to miss out on other people’s posts and paying them their “due” attention. I wish I could be more calloused and not want to do unto others as I want them to do unto me. Ha!