We’re taught to be modest. Most of us, anyway.
Bragging about your accomplishments is frowned upon, typically, as being self-aggrandizing or arrogant. And arrogance is one of those traits that nearly everyone agrees is unattractive and off-putting, either in business or in personal relationships.
But there is an incredibly fine line between being truly humble, and putting on airs of false humility.
False humility does damage to your reputation, your brand, and even your industry and colleagues. For example:
“Nah, I’m not really a writer, I just throw a bunch of words on paper and sometimes people read it.”
“No, I’m not a marketer, I just like helping people tell stories.”
“I’m not a salesperson, I just talk and occasionally get lucky and someone buys something.”
What the hell are we doing?
I don’t suggest walking around with a flashing neon sign touting your accomplishments, because yes, that’s unattractive. The difference between blatant arrogance and confidence is that the ego driven need to tell you constantly about what they’ve done, regardless of the conversation or social situation. For them, it’s a matter of constant, even militant, proof that they’re significant somehow (and they tend to have a knack for making it incredibly awkward).
Class and humility, however, are present in the artfully timed moment when someone asks about what you do, compliments your work, or provides an invited opportunity to share what you do professionally.
Confidence doesn’t require hubris, it requires simplicity and facts.
“Gosh, Amber, I read and loved The Now Revolution. Fantastic job on that”
“Thank you so much, Joe. We’re very proud of our book.”
Or take the dreaded networking event or conference:
“Hey, Susan, tell me a bit about what you do.”
“I’m a consultant that helps businesses develop and market their brand on the web.”
If she had answered “Oh, I’m just a marketing chick, you know. Just someone who writes a bunch of copy and makes fancy logos.” How much credibility do you give her out of the gate? Are you enthusiastic enough to ask her more about what he does? Is she someone you’d not only trust to help your business, but someone you’d put in front of clients if she doesn’t have a lick of confidence in her own work?
Also, what about your colleagues? If you’re selling short what you do, it reflects on your industry. Are all of your colleagues just pursuing work that doesn’t really matter all that much, too?
I get that you don’t want to sound like a braggart or a self-important jackhole. I get that this is a subtle art that takes practice. But you owe it to your business, your clients, and all of your unidentified prospects out there to own what you do. Not with a bunch of exaggerated adjectives. Not with a bunch of ridiculous, inflated marketing copy that borrows every superlative or buzzword in the book.
But talk about your work with surety. Why you do it. Clear, to the point, and with pride and assurance.
If it’s true that we buy from people we like, we also buy from people who we believe can actually do the work and do it well. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want a “code monkey” designing my website, I want a professional developer. When I go to the doctor, I don’t want some guy who “just plays around with a stethoscope and prescribes meds on occasion”. I want an experienced physician.
If your business is worth building, it’s worth your own investment, and to at least be the one person that can describe it with confidence. There’s a reason you do what you do. Don’t hide it. Own it.
And watch the difference it makes.
Great point, I think you hit it, it is a fine line. We had this discussion about client testimonials. Do we share them in social channels etc. We were discussing this because we see that a lot of our visitors where not going to testimonials.
Now we did not want to toot our own horn however some of the testimonials clients leave could help people when looking for a solution provider for there challenges. So we have decided to share them if they are related to a specific solutions we offer.
Thoughts?
I think testimonials are a fine line. I share them, for example, on my speaking page. I don’t promote them or share them proactively, because I feel like that smacks of bragging. And I ask for the testimonials to be focused on the value I brought to the event, not how awesome I am.
In my view, testimonials are one (and only one) tool you can use as references when a potential client asks for them, but they’re not a marketing vehicle. I’m sure some people will disagree with me, but like “case studies”, they inherently carry bias and I don’t often think they come across as super authentic if they’re used before someone really asks for them.
But i’m super conservative about that stuff. And that’s different than the art of false humility, which is a different problem.
Good points, we do keep it pretty tight, however we have shared a few when they are really directed to the problem and what our solution did to solve that.
Good points to ponder… maybe over a glass of wine 🙂
Thanks for posting this Amber. This article touched me personally, because at times, I sell myself short in terms of my knowledge and abilities. This is specifically applicable when trying to adapt to a new workplace and fit in socially and culturally – you don’t want to come off as an arrogant jackass, and risk making non-work conversations awkward.
A happy medium can definitely be beneficial, as you’ve discussed here.
But going forward, I’ll definitely be keeping your insights in mind.
Thanks for posting this Amber. This article touched me personally, because at times, I sell myself short in terms of my knowledge and abilities. This is specifically applicable when trying to adapt to a new workplace and fit in socially and culturally – you don’t want to come off as an arrogant jackass, and risk making non-work conversations awkward.
A happy medium can definitely be beneficial, as you’ve discussed here.
But going forward, I’ll definitely be keeping your insights in mind.
But I like telling people I’m a dumb guy with a blog, damnit. Heh.
Timely, Amber. Thanks for reinforcing what my business partner has been telling me. Fine line is right. Part of it – I think – is having the confidence to say, “Dammit. I do know what I’m talking about.” Reminds me a bit of that Stuart Smally skit on SNL.
Great post. This is actually the first post I’ve seen on this subject! I think it’s interesting how different cultures handle this. Some time ago, a Swedish friend told me that “In Sweden, you never, ever, EVER, talk good about yourself. Thats frowned upon. Recognition needs to always come from others, never from yourself.” I can assure you that it is very, very different in Mexico. Here, some people go the other way around and act exactly like you described them:
“For them, it’s a matter of constant, even militant, proof that they’re significant somehow”
Yep, thats what they do. I have been applying your recommendations for years with mixed results; sometimes I pass as “show off”/”bragging” (which is NEVER the point, btw) and sometimes I hear “You are so confident that sometimes it passes as overconfidence”.
I just believe that everybody is entitled to an opinion and don’t take myself too seriously (in the good way, I don’t mean that I think of myself as unprofessional)
Anyway, thanks again and keep the great posts coming. Best regards.
This is so much more than owning an elevator pitch. I think what you’re talking goes to the essence of self perception and value as much as marketing. I like the reference @djwaldow:disqus to the old Stuart Smiley skit. I’ve joked about that before in similar posts on my own blog…but I still suck at just saying “thank you. I’m proud, too…” instead of my natural response which is to deflect the spot light to others or minimize my own abilities. Thanks for sharing this!
This is so much more than owning an elevator pitch. I think what you’re talking goes to the essence of self perception and value as much as marketing. I like the reference @djwaldow:disqus to the old Stuart Smiley skit. I’ve joked about that before in similar posts on my own blog…but I still suck at just saying “thank you. I’m proud, too…” instead of my natural response which is to deflect the spot light to others or minimize my own abilities. Thanks for sharing this!
This is so much more than owning an elevator pitch. I think what you’re talking goes to the essence of self perception and value as much as marketing. I like the reference @djwaldow:disqus to the old Stuart Smiley skit. I’ve joked about that before in similar posts on my own blog…but I still suck at just saying “thank you. I’m proud, too…” instead of my natural response which is to deflect the spot light to others or minimize my own abilities. Thanks for sharing this!
This is so much more than owning an elevator pitch. I think what you’re talking goes to the essence of self perception and value as much as marketing. I like the reference @djwaldow:disqus to the old Stuart Smiley skit. I’ve joked about that before in similar posts on my own blog…but I still suck at just saying “thank you. I’m proud, too…” instead of my natural response which is to deflect the spot light to others or minimize my own abilities. Thanks for sharing this!
Amber, Do you think women are worse about this than men? It seems to me that women have a really difficult time accepting positive feedback. I can think of examples inside and outside of the workplace. I’m not sure why we all don’t learn to just say “thank you” instead of downgrading our appearance, skills, accomplishments, etc.
Great article, Amber!
Hi Amber
I agree with you, being modest sometimes can play against your business. I’m a musician and I found myself sometimes saying ” Not I’m not a professional musician, I just play music and different instruments” When I am a musician, that is what I do with my life. I create music to be enjoyed by others and myself. I appreciate the reminder!
Thanks for the article and have a great holiday season!
Felipe
All businesses toot their own horn to a certain extent. The key is to promote without seeming too self promotional. If you are afraid to let people know about your product, you need to be doing something else. That’s what I took from your post. Hope it’s on-point.