I’ve been visibly online since approximately 2004 or so, in varied media and communities online. Earlier if you count much more nerdy things.

One thing has never changed: balancing what you share and with whom on the web is a delicate dance, and one that has no hard and fast rules.

So, disclaimer: these aren’t rules either. It’s just how I have settled on doing things, for now, while I balance my desire to be very open, personal and vulnerable online while still maintaining a visible executive role with a great company (more soon on that, I promise).

But I get asked about it a great deal, especially when I’m out speaking, no matter the topic of the presentation. It seems to be a thing that’s on the minds of many. So here goes.

 

My general philosophy

As a rule, I’m firmly in Brené Brown’s camp. Vulnerability is good.

It allows us to connect, to find commonalities in one another that are based on our most truthful selves, which I think creates the most genuine and personal connection among humans.

But the harsh truth is that not everyone is down with the messy.

For example, I’ve been pretty open about my adventures with mental illness, my dog rescue efforts, my insecurities and fears and things online.

In some ways, it’s what draws people to me.  In others, it repels them. I’ve gotten plenty of feedback on both ends of the spectrum.

It’s a tough balance, really, shaping who and what you are naturally with who and what the varied audiences you reach expect and want from you. Someone who found me because of my marketing background might not really want to hear the stuff that’s more personal.

I’ll never get the balance just perfect, some people will just have to learn to use the “unfollow” and “unfriend” buttons as liberally as I do and realize that, to some extent, I’m a WYSIWYG interface. Because I use the web for both personal and professional needs — and because I don’t really believe you can separate the two, whether or not you have a different profile for each — I can’t necessarily just say “to hell with it” for one or the other.

But I’m always trying to make both my experience and the experience of my community simpatico, so I tweak some things from time to time to make sure I’m doing the best I can in a way that still makes me feel comfortable, authentic, and true to myself. I never want to be some kind of false-filtered, photoshopped version of me. And frankly, I don’t think I’m capable. But I can make some gentle editorial decisions that help the people I interact with decide what they do and don’t want to be part of.

Here’s how I do that today.

Blogging

I maintain a few different blogs, which I know isn’t feasible for most people. But it’s the way my brain works.

I parse my most personal, more journal-like musings over on amberetcetera.com. I consider that my most personal online space for longer-form content, and things that are decidedly not work related.

Here at brasstackthinking.com, I took a hiatus for a while as I focused on building our practice at SideraWorks. But since my departure in July, I’ve revived the blog here to focus on my professional perspectives on life online, digital communication, and online marketing. This is the blog you’ll see me share most often in my social streams as I believe it’s the one that’s most in line with what the majority of my community wants to read and see.

Wherever I am professionally, I always contribute to blogs there. My next gig will be no exception, and though I haven’t officially announced that yet, you’ll hear more about it very soon. That’s how I evangelize for the brand/firm/company I’m with and share things that are relevant to our customer base but not necessarily to all of my more personal connections.

Blogging is one of those things that’s all about audience profile. Who are you writing for?

I’m writing for a few different people depending on the day, so I have different outlets for those things, mostly because writing is a medium that I connect to and personally enjoy.

Social Media

On Twitter, I’m kind of an amalgam. I’m not intimately personal, but I’m not hard-core professional either. I share stuff about work, dogs, my writing, my life.

To be honest, it’s an ever-changing battle for me, deciding what’s okay to post on Twitter or not. Do I share that somewhat-politically-charged video, even though I generally stray away from that? I participated in the #yesallwomen conversation a few months ago, but that was a very considered decision at the time because I absolutely know that it shapes people’s perceptions when you take a stand on that sort of thing.

For the most part, feedback from Twitter friends has always been that they like that I’m more personable and accessible, so I try to keep it that way by not making myself just an RSS feed of marketing articles. I have formed great friendships through Twitter connections over the years, so this is a bit of a gut-feel thing for me and always has been.

Facebook is much more deliberate, and has become even more so thanks to some less-kind people who decided to deliver some rather harsh feedback in the form of anonymous trolling and email banter.  And while they don’t represent the majority, surely, it definitely gave me pause.

See, for all it’s faults, Facebook at least gives you quite a bit of control over who sees your updates and when. So I have a few different modes for posting there.

I have a list I’ve created for “personal friends”. They’re people who have specifically opted in to receiving my more personal updates: good, bad, and ugly.

Then there’s my more general Facebook Friends, who are still personal since I’m selective about friending on FB to the extent that I have to at least recognize your name or have some trusted friends in common before I connect. But those are becoming more “PG” updates, suitable for most people and geared toward what they’d likely expect of me: marketing stuff, dogs, more general interest hilarity and cat pictures.

I do have my “subscribe” capability enabled for people to follow my public updates if they so choose. I don’t often post publicly, but I do sometimes, and I’m very cognizant of the visibility of those status updates when I do. I’ve also neglected my BTT page, but have some plans to remedy that. (Though I won’t be putting all my efforts there, no sense building your house on rented land and all that.)

I’m on Instagram, which is mostly dog and life pictures, all personal but not anything crazy vulnerable. No marketing quotes and graphics and stuff there.

And that’s about it for me. I have a Pinterest profile but I neglect it, I have a Google+ account that I don’t really use.  So for the most part, that’s how I balance my online “presence”, such as it is.

Operating Guidelines

This has changed a lot over the years.

I started off being very, very straightforward and professional. Then I loosened up and probably went too far to the other side. Now I’m probably somewhere in between.

I try really hard to balance positive, upbeat stuff with the more “I’m struggling with the world and life” stuff. I don’t always succeed, but I am always conscious of it. Probably too much so, despite what some folks might think. I think the human element of people is vital in terms of making connections that have meaning. But it’s a matter of personal taste to a degree, and I’ll never please everyone.

I do tend to stay away from politics, religion, and other hot-button issues if I think my posts are just stirring the pot rather than adding something of value to a discussion. That’s totally subjective of course. I don’t think my politics are particularly opaque, but I really loathe open debate with strangers online and I do my best to stay far away from the topics that incite same. I have very strong opinions, but I personally detest the limitations of the internet for hosting cogent, reasonable conversation about meaningful things like that, so I keep that to very specific times and places with trusted people for the most part.

I never openly criticise a brand or company online unless I have tried all other obvious avenues to get a response. I’ve worked on the brand side, and it’s not fun to get lambasted by someone just using the web as a weapon when they never even bothered to ask a reasonable question. At all times I attempt to remain courteous, polite, and respectful as I would expect them to be to me.

I don’t jump on flame-war bandwagons and brand-bashing online. I find it counter-productive and rash.

I don’t criticise or mock competitors, ever. It’s simply not professional or warranted.

I block, unfollow and refuse to engage people the minute things get insulting on a personal level, or when they devolve to mudslinging and nasty comments. If you can disagree respectfully, I’m open to a conversation. If not, I have better things to do.

In a professional capacity, if someone is particularly pissed off with me or my company, I try to take it offline to email or phone. Airing all that stuff online never seems to help anyone.

I don’t believe in following everyone back out of some misguided sense of “courtesy”. My online experience is what I make it, and I think if you put too much stock in that sort of thing, you might want to revisit your priorities. 

I absolutely post things because personal validation feels good, because I want to connect with people, because I get lonely or frustrated or inspired and I want to share those things with other people. I post things that are occasionally, by some standards, less than professional. I am not polished or perfect. I am not someone else’s ideal of what online presence is “supposed” to look like. I am a complex, nuanced person with many interests and facets to my personality, not all of which will be acceptable to all people.

I am human, and intend to stay that way.

I think that about covers it, but if you have any other questions for me about how I make judgment calls or what my personal approach is to any of this, feel free to ask in the comments.

Keep This In Mind…

The internet has no rules. It never will.

Largely, what you post and to whom has everything to do with your comfort level, your professional liabilities, your personal boundaries and the way you view the world.

Outside of things that can legally get you in trouble, there are probably no hard lines (and even those are constantly changing thanks to the evolving dynamics of online business and communication).

So, this isn’t gospel. It’s just my take. Maybe it’s helpful, maybe you think I’m full of it. All of that is okay. After all, this is all opt-in. 

So what’s your take? How do you strike the ever-delicate balance of professional and personal on the web? What feels comfortable to you, and what makes you squirm? Let me know and let’s chat.