Not literally, of course. But he did.
Scott Stratten – UnMarketing for those of you in his fabulous Twitter harem and author of the awesome book by the same name – presented a keynote at Inbound Marketing Summit in Boston this week. If you’ve never seen Scott speak, you’re missing out, so go hit up a video or two. Like here.
He’s dynamic, funny, engaging, and best of all: Scott is completely WYSIWYG. The very definition of authentic. He is who he is, and makes no apologies for it while still being incredibly gracious and warm. That comes across really clearly on stage. I respect the hell out of it, and it makes me really like Scott.
Suddenly, I realized I was doing something very, very wrong.
You Can’t Please Everyone
I’m a pretty passionate person. I try hard to be respectful and open to people and opinions, but I’m definitely driven and have a point of view, especially when it comes to my work. Personality wise, I’m loud. I laugh a lot. I talk with my hands and get overexcited. I tell off color jokes and when I know I’m in comfortable company, I curse. I’m a little brazen (ok for some of you, a lot brazen) and I know that feeds into my career. I can’t really help it.
A couple of years ago, I gave a speech at a great marketing conference. I was talking about social media and measurement, a topic I’m incredibly passionate about. At some point in the speech I used the word “jackass”. I think I might have also said “douchebag”. (I stop short of the Super Curse Words when I’m giving speeches). I was emotive and probably talked too fast, but I was really into my presentation and wanted so much for people to have a good time while they were learning something.
Then the comment cards came back.
Overwhelmingly, they were super positive. Truly. Over 90-something percent gave it top ratings and left great comments. But a single person said “Why is it necessary to be vulgar to make a point? Profanity in a speech is just unprofessional.”
That single comment made a bit of a mess of things.
Sensitivity Can Suck
For all of the great comments, I couldn’t get the one critic out of my head.
Was I truly offending people? That’s just…but that’s just me. Is “jackass” really that bad? That’s part of what I do. But man, if I’m being unprofessional, I just can’t do that. That’s not good. I mean…right?
I’m conscious of it now, but I didn’t realize that I took that comment so personally that I started changing my presentations. I got more reserved, practiced relentlessly, picked safer topics, made sure I was spit polished and shined. I didn’t make as many jokes, sometimes none at all. I made sure never to say “jackass”.
And I stopped having fun on stage.
I’ve always loved the art of performance. I was in theater. I was a music major. I dearly love speaking to a room, seeing people nod, seeing the lightbulbs go off when you give a speech that changes people’s minds, gives them new perspective.
But I stopped having fun. I was so self-conscious that I started taking the Amber out of my presentations. And last night, Scott Stratten made me realize that in one outstanding talk. Watching him made me realize that I was stuffing my personality down in a powerpoint deck somewhere. And I was suddenly…mad.
Back in the Saddle
So, no more.
I ripped apart the slides I had for IMS and redid them in the hours before the presentation. My dear and wonderful friends Ron Ploof, CC Chapman, Tamsen McMahon, Tom Webster, and Kat Jaibur gave me a stern pep talk when I told them what I’d realized, and encouraged me to shake loose those demons.
I did my best. I got up on stage this afternoon and just let loose with what I knew, what I thought, what I felt. I worked hard to prepare a presentation that was worthwhile and useful, but I let myself deliver it with the personality that was mine and no one else’s. I think I did okay. I even put in a picture of a sock monkey.
And man, did it feel good. I’ve made myself a promise that I won’t stifle myself anymore. I’m still not the person that’s going to get up there and be vulgar or drop the f-bomb to an audience of people I don’t know (just not my style). I’ll save that stuff for my crew of misfit friends who know who they are. Oh, and Julien Smith, who practically invented the f-word, or at least its artful delivery on stage.
But I’m sure as hell going to finally let go of that one, fleeting comment a year ago that made me question everything and most certainly compromise too much. (To the person who left that comment, by the way: You’re damn straight I said douchebag. I meant it, too.)
I’ll bet that’s going to translate to the rest of what I do. My writing. Who knows what else. I have a job to do. But dammit, I can do it professionally and still be me.
My Point and My Request
All of this Tony Robbins-esque personal rambling about me is to say this to you, my dear readers:
Please don’t suck the you out of your work.
Be kind, be respectful, be tolerant. But be who you are.
Never put on the suit of someone that you are not, or let someone make you feel like you should.
Recognize that you have to wake up with yourself every morning and like it. For the rest of your life.
Not everyone is going to like you or even approve of the way you do things. That’s okay. Let them.
Know that your personality is what can distinguish you from the grayscale of life.
Take criticism and feedback, as you should. But always consider the source, and make sure it’s one you trust.
Let someone else inspire you. You never know when it’ll hit.
So thanks, Scott. For being an awesome friend, but for kicking my ass when you didn’t even know you’d done it. Thanks to the rest of you for saying “hell yeah” and reminding me that perhaps “jackass” suits me after all.
And you can bet that if I’m somewhere in a room with you and I’m giving a speech, you’re going to get everything I’ve got, bitches.
Until then….
Although I really don’t like her singing voice, I love the quote attributed to her:
“Don’t compromise yourself; you’re all you’ve got.” – Janis Joplin
Amen, sister(s). Great post.
I’ve used this quote since my first talk ever on Personal Branding/Social Media. It’s from Oscar Wilde. Feel free to live it. Ready? Here goes: “be you, because others are already taken.”
Big hugs!
Years ago, I was giving an education workshop, fully prepared with all sorts of books and documentation. The night before the workshop, I realized I needed to quit hiding behind the books and just be me.
Thanks for the reminder. It’s easy to slide into that powerpoint template and forget it’s the tool and I’m the speaker.
Hi Amber,
I always love reading your blog. I find your writing style intelligent, informing and always a bit witty in how you write. And I always see a bit of me in what you have to say (either I feel the same way, or I needed the lesson)
This post is great. My favorite part is “Please don’t suck the you out of your work”
thanks for the Thursday night inspiration and kick in the ass too!
Lisa
Great Post Amber. I completely agree. I saw Scott speak a couple of weeks ago in Raleigh, NC and I was truly inspired as well. Being transparent to his level can be such a compliment held in highest regards. I especially like how he starts by saying, “ok, everyone get out your computers, your cell phones whatever and start tweeting, it’s what we do, its how we communicate” not the typical “please turn off your cellphones and pay attention to me” speech. Loved him.
I just have to comment on this… you guys will love it…
I was at a conference a few years ago, and this guy was giving a presentation on marketing to the millennial generation. He was a university research professor. Rather than staying on the stage where we could focus our attention, he said HE felt more comfortable walking around through the crowd.
It was one of those round-table set ups with 300 people. HE might have been more comfortable, but everyone in the audience was forced to adjust their chairs every time he wanted to squeeze by or crank their necks to follow him.
All he did was read off his PowerPoint slides, which were word for word copies of the handouts he gave us. (I can READ, asshole… tell me something that’s NOT scripted from your lecture notes.) I’m bored to tears. I look around and see people start to open their laptops and fire up their Blackberries. And what did he do?
He pulled the oldest high school teacher tactic in the book… he saw they were not “paying attention”, bee-lined right over to where they sat, and HOVERED over them until they shut everything down!
Bad audience member! Bad! Off to the principal’s office you go. Here’s your detention slip.
THIS was an “expert” at marketing to the MILLENNIAL generation???
What a douchebag.
Boy — thanks for this. I was wondering why I hadn’t been having much fun speaking, lately. I got knocked around a year or so ago by that “ONE PERSON” card and was trying to make sure that everybody liked me.
No more mister nice guy. Ya don’t like it, go ask for a refund.
Aha! You were fantastic today. A few weeks ago, I saw a video of one of your speeches, but didn’t know how old it was. My first thought today when you finished was that you had really ramped it up and grown as a speaker since that video was done. But maybe it’s just that today you were genuine. In any event, keep doing what you did today. Bravo.
If someone isn’t offended, it might be too generic.
Scott might be an amazing person – but being amazing is such a subjective and individual thing.
Like we’ve many of us heard, “It’s no fun, making friends with ‘perfect’ people.” That said, I can’t wait to see the next, more pumped up version. Because improved by way of inspiration is also awesome.
Scott had a big impact on me as well, realized a few things about my social media use and presentations. He’s a great resource to emulate. Glad to hear how he’s impacted you and I’m sure your talks are going to kick all kinds of ass.
An extra hug for Scott when I get to BlogWorld for kicking your ass.
In the meantime, remember, everything is relative. *THIS* is what my west coast conferences have come to, trust me, everything else is mild in comparison. http://techcrunch.com/2010/10/04/fbombs-in-tech/
Perfect, you nailed it. Thanks for this, I needed to hear it right now.
D
This applies to everything I believe we should do. We need to be true to one thing. Ourselves. I always tell myself that I’m smart enough not to do something that I love. I’m glad you love what you do, because I learn from you as a result. 🙂
“Sensitivity can suck.” Thank you, thank you, thank you. We recently went through a huge launch and received so many super positive comments from all around the world. But one person, literally one out of hundreds, made a negative comment. They said, well that looks kind of like this site. It derailed my whole team. We knew it didn’t resemble it at all, but that didn’t matter. Finally we realize he was a tool and we moved on. As I read this I realized being sensitive stole a great moment from us. A time when we should have been partying and missing high-fives. I think I might get “Sensitivity Can Suck” shirts made. Thanks again!
Rock the hell on, Amber! (And I’m still laughing my ass off over here about your disclaimer.) I adore you.
This is really a great blog post. Love it! Great reminder for everyone.
Great article. Thanks. It reminds of what I heard at SMCV10: “If you always tell the truth, you never have to remember anything.” And to paraphrase that in the context of your article, if you’re always yourself, you never have to worry about what you do or say as someone else. All the best!
Damn Girl you’re good.
You’ve reminded me to not sell-out. Got it. Keep cooking Amber I’m you’re biggest fan – even when you get saucy 😉
Bravo to you, Scott, the English language, and the internet. *chuckles…what a post! Loved the personality, needed the inspiration, Thanks Amber.
Rock on sister! This article is a serious reminder and kick in the butt for all of us!!!
Thanks Amber for sharing your fun.
And Scott – you are an inspirational reminder to all of us that we is who we is!!
Awesome Awesome Post!! Its so hard sometimes when the voices take over and we start to doubt ourselves. Scott will be here in Buffalo next month, Im so looking forward to it!
Great insight Amber!
Speakers frequently place too much emphasis on that “one” evaluation. I learned years ago that not everyone is going to be receptive to our message and some people gripe about one single point that really isn’t relevant to the overall message. I’m not suggesting that you have to be rude and vulgar but I think it’s critical that we’re authentic. If we hold back because we’re afriad of offending ONE person we can seriously affect the message that our audience needs to hear.
Cheers!
Amber, excellent post. I went through the same thing myself a few years ago, but learnt that if you’re saying something with a new vision, idea or approach, and you’re doing it passionately, somebody who disagrees, likes the status quo or doesn’t grasp what your saying will hate you! I was lucky. After a few years of presenting and lecturing I found that in my audiences, whether it was 20 or 400, there was almost alway one and sometimes two who passionately hated me. I was working with other presenters/lecturers and discovered that most of the better ones had exactly the same experience. If you speak passionately, you are also going to spark passions in those who disagree, which is a good thing.
So let her rip! Cheers, geoff
Great post!
Having just attended an event where Scott spoke, everything you said above is true. It is wonderful to be able to re-inject yourself back into your life and work. I spent a bit of time with Scott and Julien (how amazingly lucky am I) after their speaking on Sunday and their thoughts and ideas have certainly made a change in me.
Thanks for this post, Amber! I really needed to hear that right now. Especially “Take criticism and feedback, as you should. But always consider the source, and make sure it’s one you trust.” I lost sight of that one… and BOY has this derailed me. A very helpful eyeopener, Amber. Hopefully I’ll make it to the States to hear you speak live sometime.
You did right into getting free of that single fear. If you’re not yourself, if there is no fun in what you do, you’ll probably end up being more “professional” in the eyes of some, but also a lot less effective and memorable.
Great points Amber. I love the quote “don’t let the You get sucked out of Your work.” It can happen so fast even without us knowing it. I loved Scott’s presentation as well. When he ended with the comments about being authentic, that struck home with me as well. I walk that fine line between doing what I’m supposed to and doing what I love. I always tip toward the love part, but there are those dangerous moments. Thank you as well for the reminder.
Amber,
Love this post. It is so true. I’ve been criticized as being “too passionate” and told to “dial it down a notch”. It’s who I am. It’s important to take your advice to heart and never loose sight of you. Thanks for the kick ass inspiration on a Friday morning!
Simply put: You rocked Amber! Your presentation was one of the highlights of IMS this year.
Always be you and never stray from it because you are such an amazing person, friend, colleague and someone that I respect a lot!
I love this post so much I want to marry it. Thanks for writing this.
The first time I ever spoke at a conference a guy came up to me afterwards and said “you were good but you move your hands around too much–it’s distracting.” He elaborated a bit more about how I sucked, then handed me his business card…he was a speaker training consultant. Guess what? I move my hands around a lot when I talk. I can guarantee it would be a lot more distracting if I forced myself to use all my attention to keep my hands pinned to my sides! My take from that was I’d rather be passionate about what I’m speaking about and let that passion shine through with some rapid hand movements than strive to be an old-school trained seal delivering rote powerpoints.
Rock on and I’m disappointed I won’t be in Vegas in time to catch your presentation next week at BlogWorld.
Don’t be afraid to talk with your hands. I, too, am physically expressive when I give a presentation and, I’m told, the way I move my hands is like physical punctuation to my remarks. Sure, it can be distracting for some but it is a form of communication that enhances your message. In fact, I recently did a photo shoot with the amazing WendyD (www.wendydphotography.com) and she caught a whole series of shots with me talking with me hands. I should make a slide show because it looks like choreography.
**LOVE IT** I don’t want to crack open the gender issue, but my personal observation with women speakers/professionals I know run into this problem (well, except for @CecilyK…). I found myself in the conformity of the slide deck for awhile also – my suggestion, go find an Ignite and DO IT!! Did my first last night, and although I didn’t write any curses into my 15 seconds a slide, they came out. Under that sort of time pressure you have no choice but to let your personality – and a curse or two – come out. Best friggin’ talk I’ve ever done, because it was **ME**. Glad to see you’re on track again Amber. I only got to see you speak once, and you’re brilliant.
And, yes, somehow Julien now owns every flavor of EFF we could ever dream up of…
I remember my first standing ovation as a speaker. It was probably 6 years ago, speaking at a nursing conference about work/life balance. I killed it. As soon as I walked off stage a woman walked up to me and said “You shouldn’t wear all black, it doesn’t suit you.” Apparently she was a “color” consultant and the next speaker up on stage.
I don’t know which I felt more bad for: the fact that she was a color consultant, or that she had to follow me up.
Love that you’re “back” Amber. Never, ever, let anyone take your voice. Someone told me that once, and I’ll never forget it.
SMT 4 Life
you should buy amber a pony. wait, did i say amber? i meant me. i think you guys both shake the rafters when you speak — your words resonate…the good, the bad, the douchebag. and we are allllll the better for it.
I remember my first standing ovation as a speaker. It was probably 6 years ago, speaking at a nursing conference about work/life balance. I killed it. As soon as I walked off stage a woman walked up to me and said “You shouldn’t wear all black, it doesn’t suit you.” Apparently she was a “color” consultant and the next speaker up on stage.
I don’t know which I felt more bad for: the fact that she was a color consultant, or that she had to follow me up.
Love that you’re “back” Amber. Never, ever, let anyone take your voice. Someone told me that once, and I’ll never forget it.
SMT 4 Life
Thanks SO much for this. When I’ve been asked to describe a “negative” about myself, I share that I have a tendency toward bluntness. I also try to be respectful in sharing my opinion, but I definitely have one. I know some might bristle at this, and at times I wonder if I need to work harder to change that about me. But as long as we don’t cross the line into being rude, I think letting your passion show through is just fine.
Rock on Amber. You are awesome on stage and be sure to use some of the Urban Dictionary words we’ve reviewed together in your next presentation. 🙂
“Trying to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.” – Kurt Cobain (NOT Justin Beiber) 😉
Great read! As a wedding phoptogrpaher I find myself holding back or taming my thoughts on social media sites as I don’t want to offend potential or current cleints. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Way to go, Amber!! Glad you decided to stuff down the critic instead of stuffing down yourself. Looking forward to seeing you speak one of these days!
Terrific post, Amber. (And thanks Scott for reminding me about Brass Tack Thinking.) The tolerance for cursing came to light recently for me with the presentations and workshops I do with Kim Plumley and Peggy Richardson (together we are http://www.thebookbroads.com). Since we formed the group, we’ve learned a lot about team blogging and content management and so on. One of the areas we’re still exploring is how formal or informal we are. Each of us has a different style and different passions and a variety of favourite expressions. We’re not trying to homogeneous (part of our charm is the healthy debates we have on stage or in podcasts). The more we work together, the more we pick up each other’s vocabulary. I tended to be super-conservative when it came to cursing (a background in corporate sponsorship will do that to you) but over the last couple of years my self-imposed rules have relaxed some and you will hear me say things like “that’s a load of crap” when the situation warrants it. Of course, Peggy & Kim will tell you I curse like a trucker when I’m tired, which is true, but I try not to be that tired in public.
Peggy & I will be at Blogworld next week – hopefully we’ll have a chance to say hello.
I have had the pleasure of seeing Scott (at UnGeeked in Milwaukee) in person and he is who he is. I wish I’d been able to see a past presentation of yours so I could compare the before/after because your posts tend to be very straight-forward, and insightful, I feel like your personality shines through in your writing.
Thanks for sharing that lesson with us!
In the words of my friend and professional motivator Laura, “Fuck yeah!”What made the web social…what made companies accountable…what tore down the medians designed to keep us in our lanes…was a willingness to be counterculture. And not counter just for the sake of being anti something, but counter for the sake of refusing to let others tell us what lines we have to walk.It’s only once we got the attention of the world and big clients started clamoring for some of that trendy “social” stuff that we began buttoning our suit jackets and shining our shoes.Glad you didn’t let your moxie collect dust.
Perfect. Just perfect.
I LOVE the reminder that you just CAN’T please everyone – but you most certainly do have to wake up with YOU every day. I’ve mentally fought against the ‘one comment’ many times – am grateful for the push in my own direction.
And for the record, I heard you speak in the spring at Social Fresh – and loved it. I believe I was told you are consistently one of the highest rated speakers they have… so even when you haven’t been 100% you, you’ve been doing something great – so 100% must be stellar.
Absolutely love this.
Of course, depending on your circumstances and the master(s) to whom you answer, “being yourself” can be difficult. But, finding an appropriate balance shouldn’t be.
Besides, what’s the big deal about an occasional curse word? Why would anyone give a shit, really? After all, they are only words. And while powerful, words belong to us. We are their masters, not the other way around. For those who get bent out of shape over a word, perhaps a little introspection is in order.
You rock, Amber!
Terrific post.
This post is great. My favorite part is “Please don’t suck the you out of your work”
Thanks
And now you’ve just kicked my arse! I’m a new site owner reading your post made me realize that I haven’t been speaking in my natural voice, I’ve been writing in a way that’s calculated to offend as few people as possible.
Thanks for reminding me that having friends online, building my virtual community is the exact same as it is in real life.. I just need to be my authentic self!
I’ve always perceived you as a very “careful” biz only type of guy. Nice to see you’re a real person! And I heartily concur with the philosophy “be the best you, you can be. But don’t apologize for who you are.” This coming from another loud, passionate, person who’s a pretty straight shooter.
It’s my first time here and first off … great site and topic!I think our culture has become too sensitive and it has personally made me consider how far to let my guard down or be myself in my own business and blogs. I don’t believe that we should strive to be offensive or off-putting to people, but I also agree with you on that we should be free to be ourselves. Besides, how many people get noticed by staying under the radar?Can’t wait to dig into this site more!
…crap, it just logged me in as “Black Dragon” which is a hobby site. Sorry!
– James Dalman @jamesdalman
I’m resubmitting this comment since I am a dummy and was logged into my hobby Twitter account. Wanted to be “myself”! 🙂
It’s my first time here and first off … great site and topic!
I think our culture has become too sensitive and it has personally made me consider how far to let my guard down or be myself in my own business and blogs. I don’t believe that we should strive to be offensive or off-putting to people, but I also agree with you on that we should be free to be ourselves. Besides, how many people get noticed by staying under the radar?
Can’t wait to dig into this site more!
I love this. I really do. It’s funny — I’ve met you twice (both times at IMS) and I think I was a little shy to approach you because, well… I have no idea. I’m just like that sometimes. So I don’t know you well, although we have good friends in common, and I admire you and will gladly encourage you to the skies any opportunity I get. When I saw you at Gillette this year, you were busy as always, but so gracious with a big hug. I bumped into you a couple times after that (mostly because I follow Tamsen around like a puppy 🙂 and then really enjoyed what you had to say on the stage. You hit it perfectly. I was really impressed.But what delighted me (and maybe this is a weird thing to say) was when we were all in the parking lot, about to go, and a few of us had a shared twenty second joke about rolling around on Chris’ Camaro. You made me laugh out loud (I sound like a goat when I do it, so it’s hard to miss) and I got a fantastic glimpse of the side of you that you’re talking about here. Not that it was hidden at any point, but this was such a fun, unmistakable hit of Amberness.You’re a complete original. You deserve all the ears and eyeballs you can get on what you have to say. Thanks for being someone I can be shy about — that means you’re the real deal. 🙂
Spot on Amber!! I’ve been thrown off my game the same way. Thanks for the reminder and the Friday pick-me-up.
Amber, I think it was at the very OMMA conference you reference that I discovered you and began following you. Being you is what made me sit up and take notice. Glad I didn’t get the “Amber-Light” version you’ve been trying out since then!
Perhaps a loose association here, but a lot of what you advise at the end I hope people apply to their websites, too. I see so many people dumbing down their messages to appease the SEO gods, sprinkling marketing-ese everywhere and drowning out storytelling and other good details because they don’t serve as catnip to the search bots. Problem is these real things are the true “YOU” of a brand — what consumers really want.
I had a situation happen to me last week where someone made false accusations against me in an email and would not let up. It bothered me so much because I try hard to not hurt peoples feelings. I was able to talk to a close friend about the situation and she made me feel so much better after validating my process. This post was very helpful as well. Its hard to swallow but you simply can’t make everyone happy. Have a good weekend Amber
Amber, your advice is spot on! I think we all have a tendency to be two different people based on the setting. There is the work/professional version and there is the not at work/real you version.
To quote Tim Gunn, yes, Tim Gunn people! “You can’t control how people perceive you, but you can control how you present yourself.”
Amen! As someone who is also brazen and outspoken but also a people pleaser (a fact that only those who know me well truly know about me), I take the personal criticism to heart while simultaneously trying to embrace me. At the end of the day, I just want to be and present myself. Some people love me, others hate me but at least I remain true to me.
Hi Amber,
Interesting post. Why do you think you listened and focused on the one negative instead of all those positives? Apparently you had many chances to think you gave an awesome presentation and yet you chose to focus on one person’s opinion. There was a reason that happened. And, until you realize that – and turn it around – it will happen again. I hope it doesn’t. But, in case it does, I hope you take this experience and use it to learn from next time you get a buzzkill review…. I personally think your writing is kick-ass, conversational, meaningful and sounds like a person. Keep it up and I’ll keep on reading 🙂
Lee Ann
Long blasted, chastised, relegated and otherwise beat-down for my chosen vernacular, here’s what I have to say: fuck ’em.
Make the choice and make it relative to your audience. Never abandon who you are and ALWAYS have a damn good time. If you’re having fun, it’s infectious. And frankly, I’m pretty pissed Scott did not give you a pony. Bastard.
I’ve always found the people who toss out the “jackass” more authentic and engaging, more exciting to listen to.
Personally, I try to live by the authenticity motto. I get excited when presenting on stuff I love, insert geek references (Hulk, Domo, Heroes…), talk a LOT with my hands, use casual turns of phrase. Because I don’t want people to fall asleep. Because I want them to see my excitement and mirror it right back at me. I want to shake them a little to keep them thinking. This can be really hard in front of certain audiences, the “more professional than thou” – but these certain audiences are also part of an industry that is losing a vital connection to their customers because they focus too much on their own professionalism.
Kudos on the realization – bravo.
Three Dr. Seuss quotes to live by:
“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”
“Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.”
This is so true, Amber, and I love hearing you say it (and the WAY you say it!) Like you I have a long history of being front and center with who I am. One of my favorite memories about my corporate life is when my manager (with whom I had interviewed a few weeks before, and who hired me — I later learned — on a “bet” with another manager just because they figured it would be interesting to see what happened) said he’d like to give me some advice.
“You wore a red suit to your interview here. You should NEVER wear a red suit to an interview.”
After a moment, all I could say to him was — “Wow. If you guys are going to have a problem with a red suit, you’re REALLY not going to be happy with ME. I AM the red suit!”
And that remains true. I AM the red suit — although today, as a consultant, it typically manifests virtually if not literally. In any case, I am what I am — and at 46, pretty comfortable with that. When asked if I worry that my presentations are irreverent or that I talk about beer too much, I always counter with — “I’m a consultant. If you hire me, you’re working with ME. And I’d rather you know what you’re getting into than pull a bait and switch.”
I think it’s great that you’ve gotten to this point. It’s a super place to be. Have fun.
Amber,
This is very refreshing to hear and I am delighted that you are committed to letting even more of your very bright light shine through in all of the channels that you show up in. As someone who has done quite a bit of presenting in the past with alot of comment cards to review I have come to the conclusion that when the majority of the feedback is positive the few negative comments are usually much more about the person giving the feedback then about the actual presentation itself. I like the method of dropping the best and worst comments and knowing that the truth of the matter is somewhere in the middle. Rock on! I’m looking forward to what is to come next. 😉
Where to begin? As usual, Amber, your writing comes across like you’re speaking in person (even tho I’ve not actually met you yet). It’s so vivacious and full-on. HOW could you rein that in during a speech?
I sell for a living so I’m performing a good 60% of my life. Even the truth sounds better when told with good lighting and jazz hands. Anyway, I found myself nodding along throughout this post. It is so easy to let a coupla chuckleheads detour you. (I like to say that the path is clear when you stop looking at someone else’s map.)
Best advice I ever read came from the Handmaid’s Tale: Nolite te bastardes carborundorum.
Love Scott. Love Unmarketing. Love “harem”. Love sock monkeys. Love Brass Tack Thinking.
I am beyond thrilled that you wrote this and that you DID IT! Wish wish wish I could have been there to see it.
Ya know, I wondered why I drove almost 2 hours in pouring rain down to Foxboro only to arrive in time for the last 4 words of Scott’s talk (which everyone was saying was the best thing of the day / and possibly the second coming of Christ). But the opportunity to a) get a huge hug from Tamsen and b) chat with you and Ron in the back of the room and c) see that our egging you on helped you get there…. well that was entirely worth it. Of course, Scott was THE inspiration. But you were so ready. I have no doubt you kicked ass on Day 2.
And those critics? I’m with The Redhead on that. Remember, the people most afraid of letting their light shine will try to keep you from shining yours. It’s really about them, not you. Maybe your name is Amber because you can’t help but glow. Just saying.
Did Amber just call me a bitch? *starry eyes*
This woke me up my dear. You’re absolutely right – I like the “I have a job to do” comment. What a way to go into the weekend. Hoping to see you sometime soon.
I made a comment on CopyBlogger today regarding Pam Wilson’s post on Blogging With a Learner’s Mind. I addressed some of her remarks about Public Humiliation and Fear of Looking like a Fool. with this comment.
Fear of looking stupid comes from feelings of poor self regard. Those inner doubts about whether you are good enough, smart enough, creative enough… the list goes on. Fear of looking delusional, as in: ‘ it is delusional of me to believe that I have anything worthwhile to offer.’
Most people have these inner fears to some extent, and it takes courage to conquer them and be able to expose themselves publically in blogs and social media.
The willingness to admit you don’t know everything, that the things you are blogging about are part of a learning process for you, gives you all kinds of freedom.
The most important being: the freedom to be true to who you are and to believe in what you are doing. I have found that when this element of truth is missing from someone’s writing that it shows, no matter how good the message or how slick the webpage.
Blogging with a Learner’s Mind touches all the points any blogger who seriously put their heart into it experience with every post written. The only way this gets any easier to do, is by doing it…regularly. This is not to say you shouldn’t continue to study the ways of blogging, just remember to be true to yourself and not be afraid to let the world in on how you tick. The degree to which you do this is another subject altogether!
Someone summed up three words that I try to remember as I blog. I’m sorry I didn’t keep the link to reference, but they ended up on a Sticky Note on my desktop…bad form I know, but here they are: Educate, Entertain, and Engage.
Perhaps we should add Expose to the top of the list. Too bad the word has such negative connotations! lol! Thanks for the great post which accomplished all four for me!
I thought as I wrote that comment that I could forgive a lot of things about a blogger’s style if there was a ring of authenticity and passion coming across, rather than blogging just for the sake of blogging (we all have some posts like that!) I totally agree with your idea that who we are and our beliefs should shine through on our blogs! Thanks for the great blog too!
The best blog post I’ve read all year. Need I say more? Happy to call you a friend, Amber. See you in Vegas.
DJ Waldow
Director of Community, Blue Sky Factory
@djwaldow
Amber,
Thanks for sharing this story. I’m glad you’ve decided to be yourself and enjoy it. It truly does help the audience. Like an old country pastor once said, “You gots to be who you bes”.
Scott
I’m pretty sure Julien dropped the f-bomb while on stage in Utah a couple of months ago. He and Chris did try and tone down their language a little bit and even made jokes about the fact that they were toning down their language.
That point aside, you have to be you. People want that when they come to see you. They want to see the personality that shines through in your posts and on Twitter. And, I’m glad you’re going to let that person out. 🙂
One of the reasons that I haven’t asked people to join their panels and submit myself for speaking opps, is because that isn’t me. I *like* to be the gal behind the scenes putting all the stuff together. I’m really good with the one-on-one … not so good with the one-on-many. I realized that over the Spring and found a new job that really suits that talent. My main role at my current job is to make someone else shine, and I’m loving it.
The person who filled out that comment card was a jackass.
HELL YEAH! Love this post, Amber. It really, really hits home for me. So glad you shared it!
See you in Vegas…and make sure to bring your trash talkin’ mouth with ya! -Amy
GOOOOO AMBER!!!!! WOOOOOHOOOO!!!
Amber,
Thanks so much for sharing this much of yourself with us. It was a great inspiration to read and left we wanting for a live video clip or two of your speech that day, so I’m off to hunt one down. You’re so right about Scott’s great take me as I am approach and Julien patented F-Bomb and I love Mitch Joel’s quote below in the comments: “be you, because others are already taken.”
Great post, thank you.
Amber – great post. I needed read it to help me stay true to myself . Social media exposes us to a certain degree, more so when speaking at a conference or meetups. I learned that there will always be someone who has “something” to say. They think they have all the answers and Do’s and Don’ts. But when it comes right down to style-it is down right oppressive to change a part of ourselves just to be accepted and liked. My mom used to tell me that it doesn’t matter what a person says (negative or positive) They’re TALKIN’ about you. Of course consider the feedback but like you said “be authentic”. There are millions of people in te world and there is always going to be someone (like me) who likes what you have to say “jack-ass” and all. 😉
I recently watched Scott speak in Victoria and I am so glad that you are going to bring back what worked for you before. I totally understand wanting to please everyone though and can see how easily that one comment could have affected the way you presented in the future. I think this is similar to how Scott talks about programs like Qwitter and others,
“Why would you change for people who’ve left when the people who stay are there because of how YOU are?”
Thanks for this great post and I hope to be able to hear you speak in the future.
Paisley Rankin-Smith
@AMPaisley
Amber
If you cannot be you then you are a performer. A performer is a character that is created by others as a reactionary part within ourselves. As a single mom, yes we are different with our kids and that is not a performer nor a character. In the business world we have a standard that is imposed by our company or ourselves.
Being on stage is taking a leap that most will not as it is similar to being at the range. People will take shots at you because they can but really, Amber, if someone is focusing in on that you said DB, jackass, etc then the reality is that they missed out on so much of the speech; and that is unfortunate for them. Yes sometimes we have to curb it down but then you are not getting the real passion and seeing the real person.
We all see what people say about us through SM and sometimes it is good and sometimes it is really bad. The bad is so hard not to focus on as it changes us but is that the majority? Perusing the comments here, the support is overwhelming where the real “us” is what the majority love. Why compromise who are b/c when we do someone else will have something to say.
Be yourself and people will be more likely to like you! Just made that up. I get my first opportunity to speak next month. Super excited and nervous based on the things you wrote about up above. I was reassured by the person that asked me to speak, when she said I want you! She said “Do what you do and show and teach these folks how to truly network on and offline. And they will love you, but make sure you are yourself.” It will be unique speaking engagement because we will be having a discussion, no slides just me and the audience connecting, sharing, asking questions of each other, and discovering answers together. Thank you for sharing your journey!
It’s great to listen to all feedback and criticism as long as you don’t follow all of it. there is always one person who doesn’t like a speaker walking around or gesturing–these critics should be ignored.
Man, Amber, it’s funny I should read this post from you here.
If you remember me, from back in the day, I helped you with the design of Altitude Branding. It was open and clean and lots of whitespace. Just like you and I liked.
Then someone I knew and worked with hinted (on purpose…two or three times) that minimalism isn’t really design, and that really every nook and cranny should be full of color, texture…blah blah.
I didn’t believe it then and I don’t believe it now. But I started to do with my work what you did with your presentations. I backed off a bit. I started adulterating the minimalist designs by adding a little splash here, a little splash there. The “me” part of my design sensibilities got watered down and the designs became less than honest.
Then I had a bright client one day. She wrote and said, “Please for the love of God don’t be another designer who does this:” She included a link to a site, which oddly enough was designed by the person who had scolded my minimalist approach in the first place. And I went, “Oh…shit…yeah. What the hell am I doing?”
And from that I got my design self back again. And I like my work. And my clients like my work. And all is well.
So yeah….I really appreciate this post! And I’m super glad we’ve traveled similar bumpy roads. Makes the smoother bits all that much more rewarding, eh?
Best!
Charlie
Love it, Amber! Thank you so much for your insight. As a fairly newbie to the realm of social media and figuring out my brand, I realized pretty fast, I get to be me – and I may offend some, but others will appreciate my authenticity. I’m here to have fun and be me!
Agree with Lisa, my favorite quote is “Please don’t suck the you out of your work.” Can’t wait to see you, in all your mojo kicking glory, present at #bwe10.
Love your writing style, its great. No need to profane for the sake of it, but it does help make a point sometimes 🙂
I think you are totally right. And as someone who is in the audience more often than on the stage, I would rather hear a generally positive, helpful person use vulgar language than hear a generally negative, patronizing, unhelpful person using polite language.
My father who was in sales for 30+ years gave me the best advice ever when I was looking for my first job out of college…”just be yourself, that’s all you can be.” Twenty years later he is right just like you are in being yourself. True we need to be professional and mindful of our manners, but I don’t think jackass is that bad of a term (douchebag is, but man it’s funny!).
Either way you can fine tune your language and find the right way to be yourself and stay professional while having some fun with it. What I liked about seeing Scott was he did just that, saying several times, “I’m not important and neither are you!”
Hey Amber! So bummed I couldn’t make the trek to IMS. Great blog post, and something I struggle with. The balance between my personal and corporate style. I tend to hold back. My style has been muted, looking forward to adding some color back!
Wow! Well said, Amber!
It’s amazing how such a straight-forward and seemingly common sense idea can be so illusive. I had never really given this one much thought until now but suddenly a great big light bulb has gone off. I’m AWFUL for trying to please everyone at once and yes, it has been stifling.
Methinks it’s time to reel it in and get back to the real me. Thanks for the kick in the right direction!
It’s all about the authentic you and amping that up. Excellent, powerful and personal. Thanks!
Glorious. You described my current identity crisis beautifully. Am sick to death of behaving myself to please others — am working on unstifling myself. Thanks for still more inspiration. #plsbabyjesusgivemeanewjob #bwe10rocked
late to the party on this post -but I just stumbled across it… (not sure how).
I realized the *same* thing during Scott’s keynote at Blogworld. I had been stuffing myself on my Facebook profile because recently someone called me totally unprofessional for using the phrase bitches in a post.
I should have thought it a compliment! After all, totally unprofessional is my style. (I have pink hair, for crying out loud.)
Thanks, Scott, for waking us all up a little! Amber, glad to have you ‘back’ on stage 🙂
oh, and never stop saying Free Chips and Salsa Bitches!
thanks for being authentic. That’s great. OK to change too. That can also be authentic 🙂
Nicely said Amber!!! I feel you, I did the very same thing all, yes ALL, of last year. I lost “me” to be part of “them”. I too vowed, no more! I’m unique, a very nice person, care a lot about other people, have the driest sense of humor on the planet, love to laugh and make people feel good. So YAY and Woo hoo for you and saying YES to you! There’s nothing better than the real thing!
(Scott was right on and made me think too!!)
To you BEST!
Christine