I don’t make New Year’s Resolutions anymore.
To me, they’re not made for any reason other than the fact that the calendar year is ending, which frankly is a crappy reason to promise yourself anything. When I make a promise to do something, context is everything.
So if it just so happens that I screw something up on December 31, or if I spot a huge opportunity on January 1, I might make myself a promise to pursue it then.
But the truth is that I’m making myself promises throughout the year. To do more of something that I’m doing right. To do less of something I’m not particularly finding useful in my work or my relationships or as a parent.
Resolution, to me, is a verb and not a noun. It isn’t something I reserve for the bright, shiny day of the new year when the possibility for renewal seems so full and rich, but whose luster wears off quickly in the dark, cold days of January when the day to day chaos of life kicks back in and I forget what I’ve promised, or suddenly it doesn’t seem quite so important anymore.
Improvement, change, adjustment and learning are part of my life cycle. It’s the only way it becomes something I can embrace when it’s needed and truly relevant, not when the date on the calendar says it’s supposed to happen. For me (and of course your mileage may vary), I’m actually more successful with adjusting something when I’m committing to it in the proper moment, or because I’m viscerally feeling the impact of not making that choice. And that can happen to me on March 14 or July 28 or September 16.
Change is impelled when it’s contextually and emotionally the strongest. When my mind and heart and spirit are immersed in the thing that makes the change so palpably necessary. January 1 is rarely, if ever, that day.
It’s not that I don’t ever want to improve things. Hell, this year, I’ve changed and adjusted and committed to more than in many years before this, in ways that can profoundly change my life. But the dates on which those happened were somewhat arbitrary. February 3. April 11. May 10th. July 11th. August 18th. September 3rd. Those days each marked resolutions of sorts. And they’ll change my life for good.
It’s not that I don’t understand the ritual of the fresh start, of the marking of a new year, of second chances and rebirth and the possibility in a clean calendar page. And if that’s what moves you to do or change something that you’ve been waiting to do for a long time, if the new year is the motivation you need to tackle something, by all means make that resolution. But remember this.
The part of the resolution that’s important is not that you announced it to the world in your blog post, or even that you told it to your friends. It’s not that you started the year with a new frame of mind and swore that “this will be the year”. It’s especially not that you made a promise to yourself that rings hollow to you, but that you think others are expecting you to say in order to demonstrate that you’re self-aware enough to change something.
The power in resolution is when that something inside you goes *click*, and when the next step feels like it needs to be different. It can be totally quiet and private. It can be in March instead of in January. It can be infinitesimally small, or overwhelmingly life-changing. And what’s most important of all is not that you change what you say, but that you rework what and why you do. That’s sometimes a long process. Even an eternal one, a lifelong pursuit that has no beginning or end. Or for you? The resolution may be not to change a damned thing.
Change is not a holiday on the calendar. It’s not a societal ritual that you owe the world. It’s the thing that you need, for your own reasons, in whatever moment you need it. If it works for you to mark it to coincide with the turning of another year, by all means do that and let it be your beacon for the months ahead. But do that because it’s what works, not because it’s what’s there.
As for me, I’m just going to keep on with things right now, because they feel right, and the promises I made to myself months ago aren’t much different than they were then.
Who knows what might happen in April.
You make a very valid point, you shouldn’t need a calendar or a holiday to make a change you know needs to be made.
I find New Year’s a great opportunity for Affirmations, not Resolutions.
It’s funny: we make a big list of things to resolve, anticipating into the coming months. But as the year draws to a close, when we see something we should start to do for our own benefit, we don’t (at least I don’t) say, “I’ll put this off till New Year’s, and make it a resolution.” (I may put it off for other reasons.)
I don’t make resolutions or purchased lottery tickets. there’s probably a connection.
Evolving and changing are progress. Why wait until December 31 to begin the process when the opportunities are present at other times?
Besides, how many people REALLY keep their New Years resolutions? I gave up on the idea years ago after I broke my key resolution on January 2!
Thanks Eric.
I just read in other blog…that could be better if we set up our path for the next year with a few words to remain us to do the change anytime but keeping the road we want…
I think you’ve got a resolution in your column – to be open to the power of resolution when the need arises.
People make their resolutions very specific and arbitrary. If more people just resolved to be more open to the world around them, they would notice a lot more opportunity than just what arises on Jan 1.
Totally agree Amber and I just wrote as much in a recent newsletter. Why everyone thinks that they can just flick a switch when the clock turns to 12:01 on January 1st and instantly change everything is beyond me. 80% of people never complete their NYs resolutions. Every single day is about improving bit by bit and getting more and more out of life. It takes consistent, ongoing action and dedication and timing and luck has a lot to do with progress too.
Hi Amber, thanks for the blog which made me stop and think for a while.
Still I believe in the power of writing down objectives and having some thoughts about them in a quiet moment… which for me never happens on Jan 1st for sure but rather during summer holidays. So I agree that resolutions on Jan 1st are not practical; I still believe that quiet thought and objectives writing is useful throughout the year. Do you go through the process of writing down some objectives when you take a resolution?
Good stuff as always Amber, one of the biggest goals I achieved (finishing an ultra marathon) was never written down and certainly not on 1 January.
However I do find written 30 day and 12 month goals and an occasionally updated vision statement help keep me on track.
I agree! This was me, last year. Though I did make resolutions this year, but they are more nontraditional and along the lines of what you mentioned—things that I am doing already that I just need to do more (or less!) often.
It’s a societal thing. Most people are easily distracted by “noise” and lose focus on their short and long-term goals. They become disheartened and lose focus even more. Then, New Year’s Eve allows for a new start and gives them a reason to be optimistic.
I think we should support them and help them to achieve their goals. It may help everyone feel a little better.
“Who knows what might happen in April.” Love that because my birthday’s in April and I’m up for something awesome to happen any time between now and then 🙂
So appreciate the pullback from resolutions.