Each one of us has gotten ourselves wherever we are. Yes, you’re responsible for every action you take. Yes, you’re responsible for every reaction you have. And yes, your success (or lack thereof) is yours.
But you may ask yourself, well, how did I get here?
I know one thing: you didn’t do it alone.
You are the product of all who’ve come before—and all that you’ve done since.
Some say the key to success is to “be awesome.” I agree—but I also see that “awesome” is the product of three things: ability, attitude, and access. All three of those depend on people: how they rate your ability, how they accept (or reject) your attitude, how they grant (or deny) you access.
Understanding who those people are, and how they’ve affected what you’ve done, is a critical element of understanding how and why you have, or haven’t, made things happen in your life.
Much like there’s a literal genealogy of who you are—the hard-coded DNA that’s a product of all the people in your family tree—there’s a genealogy of success. Where you are now is a product not only of what you’ve brought, but the people to whom you’ve brought it, how they’ve reacted, and perhaps most importantly, how you’ve responded to their reactions.
But do you know who they are, the people who’ve shaped you?
In high school, I used to say that, after my parents and sister, I was shaped by nine people, seven books, and two musicals (yeah, okay, I was an unabashed “arts geek”). These days the influence pool is a little different, and time gives me better perspective on just how influential those people, books, and musicals were.
But I can still trace much of who I am now to who I was (and was becoming) then.
While every person you interact with has the potential to change you in some small way, some people have a greater impact than others. We forget, I think, to remember with any kind of regularity who those people are and what effect they’ve had. But understanding that—understanding who has led you to where you are now, or has helped get you there—can help you figure out how to get even closer to your vision of what you want to be and what you want to accomplish.
It can help you figure out what qualities in others bring out the best (or worst) qualities in you or what it was about someone that pushed you to do great (or terrible) things. Once you know that, you’re more highly attuned to those same qualities in the new people you meet, and more able to fully appreciate those people who’ve been with you all along.
Where do you come from?
You have personal genealogies of success and professional ones. There are the large trees that shape who you are as a person, and smaller, more specific ones that shape how you came to be doing a certain thing in a certain place. This post, for instance, has this tree:
Joyce Linehan
Geo Geller
Mike Langford & Jeff Cutler
Chris Brogan
Amber Naslund (I think you know who she is!)
Each one led to the other, which led to my writing this. I didn’t control how they came into my life, but I did control how (and if) I accepted the gift each brought. I owe them, each in turn, for how they’ve helped me (even if, until this moment, they weren’t aware that they did).
Knowing who they are, helps me appreciate more fully not only from whence I’ve come, but the extent to which I can help others as they’ve helped me—how I can, for lack of a better phrase, pay it forward.
You can do the same thing.
So, I want to know: Who’s on your family tree?
It's weird. I keep thinking everything in Boston comes back to Chris Brogan. I met him on Twitter, and discovered Laura Fitton through him. I met Gradon on Twitter, but sent him to an SMB to meet Chris and Laura. Then Gradon met EVERYONE and became a fireball in the scene in his own right. But then he met Jeff Cutler and met you, and I met you at a NOMX3 but I wouldn't have gotten to know you without attending IMS with you — which goes back to Chris. Meeting you led me to Sametz Blackstone.
And now I've lived here for two months. 🙂
I think of Chris and Jeff as two of the biggest connectors in this whole scene, and they are pretty different people. What they have in common, though, is an unselfishness about extending invitations and opportunities to people… and as they become more successful themselves, they extend that out as well.
Great post.
How fun tracing things back. And to add to Meg's thoughts about Chris (not that he's God or the center of the universe) I have my own funny story. I worked with a guy named Michael Calienes (@michaelcalienes) at Digitas in Boston > who wrote a blog post which I saw on his Facebook page > about buying Chris Brogan a beer in Amesbury, even though Michael was then in Florida > which got me curious about this social media THANG > which led me to meeting Chris for coffee > and going to events where I met almost everyone except Jeff Cutler, who I also knew from freelancing > which led me to getting back into writing for myself (vs. 20 years of what clients pay me to say) and >back to coaching > where several clients from Twitter found me, including one from Venezuela who I just had dinner with last week. How cool is that?! So my tree looks like:
Michael Calienes
Chris Brogan
Lisa Hickey
Podcamp Boston
Jeff Cutler
Tamsen McMahon
I have many more trees. Grateful for all. And for the thoughts you've inspired today.
Some people who immediately come to mind are:
Rose Jonas, Tatyana Gann, Frank Szachta, Rain Fordyce, Penina Finger.
The list is actually much longer, but those were the first names that popped up. Great to think about!
Most of the people on my list won't have recognizable names here. They include two trade-mag editors, several cops (one in particular — the only regular source I ever had), and even a couple of clients. That said, I also include Liz Strauss, Beth Harte, and innumerable bloggers — including Amber, Valeria Maltoni, Chris Brogan, Kellye Crane and the folks on the Solo PR LinkedIn group — and even more innumerable Twitter folk (many of whom I have met during tweetchats). Like my mother's huge Queens Irish family, each has played small but definitely not insignificant roles in how I have evolved from freelancing to PR/marketing… even if all they did was to provide the day's validation or encouragement. Which, trust me, was and continues to be HUGE.
You're right about Chris and Jeff: it's unselfishness that ties them to each other. Would that more in this space were as giving as those two.
Thanks so much, Kat. I'd be intrigued to know for how many of us PodCamp Boston is a major branch–I know it was for me. (And funny-but-true story, I saw Lisa Hickey present at an AdClub event well over a year ago, and seeing her was one of the reasons I wanted to dig further into all of this.)
There's something really gratifying about being able to shine the light on some of the folks that have helped us get where we are, isn't there? Glad you did.
I love the image of a tree as the metaphor for this kind of geneology–because some people are major branches, some are leaves, and some are just rain or sunlight that help the tree to grow but whose presence was ephemeral. Everyone plays a part.
I'm always intrigued by how people come into your life for a reason – whether to shape it in a big way or to introduce you to someone who becomes an integral part of it. If I think back to when I first started seriously reading great blogs and following peoples' journies it would have started with Liz Strauss, headed to Chris Guillebeau who I then met and also met Pam Slim through and as a result of this found out about Danielle La Porte who I interviewed and then met with Lauren Bacon (The Boss of You) and so it goes on. This is just initial online interactions.
Offline through travels and adventures it's even more fascinating and every once in a while you just need to look back and feel very grateful.
Some of my earliest recollections are of 5th grade, and the bold, brassy English teacher who enlightened me that women are capable creatures. My education continued with my inexhaustible mother and quietly brilliant sister. Reality being what it is, my life has also included negative influences I've tried to turn into positives, including two selfish, ambivalent fathers who set me on my path to self-reliance.
In the digitally connected world, Beth Harte and Amber Naslund were the first to pay me any mind. I immediately recognized their valuable insights and keen writing. And it didn't take long before context became clear and I realized just how generous the two are with their time and attention. My thanks to them for setting high standards for me to aspire to.
I love the way you frame this as a genealogy, Tamsen. I am so thankful that God has put people in my path to be my family tree and to help me grow. I wrote a blog post last year thanking them for their contribution to my career. Unfortunately, one of the people I wanted to thank had passed away many years ago and I never got to thank him personally for the lessons he taught me. It's a reminder to not wait too long to say thanks.