I’m not talking Stuart Smiley here.
Sure, sure, affirmations are fine. You’re good enough and smart enough and I’m sure people like you, mostly.
And I’m not talking about empty “positive thinking” either, the crap you read in lousy self-help books that tell you to look in the mirror and say to yourself, without specificity, that everything is going to be okay.
I’ve had a bit of a quiet epiphany of my own lately, thanks to a simple conversation with a friend, that has completely turned my perspective on goals and aspirations on its head.
We are cynical creatures, many of us. We look at things in terms of what we don’t want to have happen, where we don’t want to go, who we don’t want to associate with, and so on. Avoidance of the negative in hopes that the positive will emerge.
Much more rarely do we get really, painfully, brazenly specific about what it is we DO want.
And I mean specific.
Not “better work-life balance.” Screw that. That tells me nothing about what I need to do in order to achieve it.
Instead, I need to be incredibly detailed, direct, and clear about what I want. And then, ruthlessly and consistently, apply my decision making to line up with those things.
This is a bit different than just goal setting. Mostly because I look at a goal or objective inside a SMART framework, one of the requisites being that the goal is realistic and timed.
Instead, this is back to reframing again, but it’s also about reducing what you want to do to what you really want to do, regardless of the current implications of your professional or personal situation, and regardless of your ability to do them immediately. Personally, I find a bit of freedom in stating aloud that “I want to make a living doing X” even if I have no earthy idea how I’ll get there quite yet, or when.
Maybe I’m speaking in circles here, but the small idea of simply defining what I want to do – outside of the constraints of a proper “goal” – and looking at everything through those lenses has just sort of clicked. I’m not sure why it didn’t before. But the key is in the simplicity, even if it breaks the rules.
Here’s what I want. I’m going to act accordingly.
It’s affirmative instead of negative, and it’s very definitive. Clear. Unmistakable.
I’m ready. In fact, I’m already starting. Are you?
I WANT to give you a high-five next time we cross paths. 🙂
I WANT to give you a high-five next time we cross paths. 🙂
You are right. And it’s important that the “affirmative affirmation” is updated at regular intervals.
I just read Hugh McLeod’s book: Ignore Everyone. As Hugh very sharply puts it: “The most important thing a creative person can learn professionally is where to draw the red line that separates what you are willing to do from what you are not.”
Having made a few mistakes with this in a past life, I now know that knowing where this line is is a central part of my version of “the affirmative affirmation” and where I want to be. Maybe it’s a confidence in ability thing.
ps: I want to know more about this bit: “I’ve had a bit of a quiet epiphany of my own lately, thanks to a simple conversation with a friend, that has completely turned my perspective on goals and aspirations on its head.”
Tell all!
.-= John Glynn´s last blog ..Today at Tuthill Porsche =-.
John, you’re onto a winner there – it must be updated at regular intervals.
I set some goals at the beginning of the year. Lo and behold, already those affirmatives are irrelevant by being too small or accomplished or just waaaay off!
My friend Robin Dickinson talks about having ‘diamond focus’ to communicate what you say clearly, succinctly and with direction.
That helps me. Any waffle means I don’t have the diamond tip just yet.
You are right. And it’s important that the “affirmative affirmation” is updated at regular intervals.
I just read Hugh McLeod’s book: Ignore Everyone. As Hugh very sharply puts it: “The most important thing a creative person can learn professionally is where to draw the red line that separates what you are willing to do from what you are not.”
Having made a few mistakes with this in a past life, I now know that knowing where this line is is a central part of my version of “the affirmative affirmation” and where I want to be. Maybe it’s a confidence in ability thing.
ps: I want to know more about this bit: “I’ve had a bit of a quiet epiphany of my own lately, thanks to a simple conversation with a friend, that has completely turned my perspective on goals and aspirations on its head.”
Tell all!
.-= John Glynn´s last blog ..Today at Tuthill Porsche =-.
John, you’re onto a winner there – it must be updated at regular intervals.
I set some goals at the beginning of the year. Lo and behold, already those affirmatives are irrelevant by being too small or accomplished or just waaaay off!
My friend Robin Dickinson talks about having ‘diamond focus’ to communicate what you say clearly, succinctly and with direction.
That helps me. Any waffle means I don’t have the diamond tip just yet.
great thoughts Amber,
We must decide what we want and why we want it.
.-= David Horne´s last blog ..Three words we should never say =-.
great thoughts Amber,
We must decide what we want and why we want it.
.-= David Horne´s last blog ..Three words we should never say =-.
Thanks for the inspiration! I’m going to put this into practice right away.
.-= Mykl Roventine´s last blog ..Typography Thursday: 3.25.10 =-.
Thanks for the inspiration! I’m going to put this into practice right away.
.-= Mykl Roventine´s last blog ..Typography Thursday: 3.25.10 =-.
This:
“reducing what you want to do to what you really want to do, regardless of the current implications of your professional or personal situation, and regardless of your ability to do them immediately.”
YES.
I’m in a bit of a transitional period, and it can be difficult not to lose sight of what I really want vs. what I think I should want based on my current situation. Thanks for the reminder.
.-= Tamia´s last blog ..How to: Stalk shoes online =-.
This:
“reducing what you want to do to what you really want to do, regardless of the current implications of your professional or personal situation, and regardless of your ability to do them immediately.”
YES.
I’m in a bit of a transitional period, and it can be difficult not to lose sight of what I really want vs. what I think I should want based on my current situation. Thanks for the reminder.
.-= Tamia´s last blog ..How to: Stalk shoes online =-.
Yep, completely agree. Life is too short to be stuck doing something that is “ok.” I’m in a similar situation. Leaving a good job and moving to another state. Why, because I was offered a job at a good company doing what I enjoy, not what is just ok. Doesn’t hurt that I’m moving back to the beach either. Good post. Nice change of pace.
.-= Zack´s last blog ..Are you a Smart Marketer? =-.
Yep, completely agree. Life is too short to be stuck doing something that is “ok.” I’m in a similar situation. Leaving a good job and moving to another state. Why, because I was offered a job at a good company doing what I enjoy, not what is just ok. Doesn’t hurt that I’m moving back to the beach either. Good post. Nice change of pace.
.-= Zack´s last blog ..Are you a Smart Marketer? =-.
It’s absolutely essential that you distill for yourself what it is that you want. It is only then that you can align your actions with those necessary to achieving it.
Rather than dwelling on a negative or a “don’t,” a cursory “identification glance” needed to determine whether or not an action draws you closer to or farther away from your goal. If it doesn’t, discard (the thought, the action etc) and choose a thought/activity that builds upon your goal/preferred state of being.
As you get better and faster at identifying, the “don’ts” diminish naturally as you fine-tune where you want to be.
It’s not “woo woo” Stuart Smalley-esque juju. It’s logic.
The secret, as with everything, is the implementation. Doing.
Reconciling what we are actually doing against what we have said is what we want to be doing. If they don’t align, something’s gotta give.
Wow. Now I feel like I’m talking in circles!
.-= mckra1g´s last blog ..mckra1g: If you like your tweets w/a shot of wry @smashadv #followfriday =-.
It’s absolutely essential that you distill for yourself what it is that you want. It is only then that you can align your actions with those necessary to achieving it.
Rather than dwelling on a negative or a “don’t,” a cursory “identification glance” needed to determine whether or not an action draws you closer to or farther away from your goal. If it doesn’t, discard (the thought, the action etc) and choose a thought/activity that builds upon your goal/preferred state of being.
As you get better and faster at identifying, the “don’ts” diminish naturally as you fine-tune where you want to be.
It’s not “woo woo” Stuart Smalley-esque juju. It’s logic.
The secret, as with everything, is the implementation. Doing.
Reconciling what we are actually doing against what we have said is what we want to be doing. If they don’t align, something’s gotta give.
Wow. Now I feel like I’m talking in circles!
.-= mckra1g´s last blog ..mckra1g: If you like your tweets w/a shot of wry @smashadv #followfriday =-.
In a way it’s so obvious that we miss it: focusing on the negative–“I don’t want this,” “I won’t do that”–doesn’t actually tell us what to do. In fact, it’s an order to our brains to STOP action. As long as we focus on the negative, we are, quite literally, unable to figure out what step to take, because all of our mental energy is going towards not moving.
When we remove the negative, we remove that barrier. Once we’ve stated what we want (whether in the form of a desire, a goal, or a life purpose), our brains can’t help but to start whirring on how to get there.
Sometimes the words you don’t say are as powerful as those you do.
.-= Tamsen McMahon´s last blog ..Stop looking for motivation =-.
In a way it’s so obvious that we miss it: focusing on the negative–“I don’t want this,” “I won’t do that”–doesn’t actually tell us what to do. In fact, it’s an order to our brains to STOP action. As long as we focus on the negative, we are, quite literally, unable to figure out what step to take, because all of our mental energy is going towards not moving.
When we remove the negative, we remove that barrier. Once we’ve stated what we want (whether in the form of a desire, a goal, or a life purpose), our brains can’t help but to start whirring on how to get there.
Sometimes the words you don’t say are as powerful as those you do.
.-= Tamsen McMahon´s last blog ..Stop looking for motivation =-.
Wow Amber. Not sure what’s set you off lately. But there are a lot of positive thinking people out there writing outstanding self-help books. The most credible ones implore people to think about what they want and let go of thinking about what they don’t want. So I’m glad that you are embracing that path.
.-= Martin Pigg´s last blog ..Will Your Life be a Foot-note or a Foot-print? =-.
Wow Amber. Not sure what’s set you off lately. But there are a lot of positive thinking people out there writing outstanding self-help books. The most credible ones implore people to think about what they want and let go of thinking about what they don’t want. So I’m glad that you are embracing that path.
.-= Martin Pigg´s last blog ..Will Your Life be a Foot-note or a Foot-print? =-.
The beautiful thing about having a epiphany like this is that you get to choose every day and reaffirm to yourself what it is you do want and that you are choosing to move toward it.
When I realized that I was actually the one in charge of myself and that other people’s perceptions of me or what they wanted me to do/be were not what I wanted, it changed my life.
You get to decide! It’s an amazing opportunity we all have and one that so few choose to exercise.
Thanks for sharing!
The beautiful thing about having a epiphany like this is that you get to choose every day and reaffirm to yourself what it is you do want and that you are choosing to move toward it.
When I realized that I was actually the one in charge of myself and that other people’s perceptions of me or what they wanted me to do/be were not what I wanted, it changed my life.
You get to decide! It’s an amazing opportunity we all have and one that so few choose to exercise.
Thanks for sharing!
Amber,
Thank you. Sometimes we have to be reminded of the plain and simple things. This is one of those things that can get lost in the noise.
Rick
Amber,
Thank you. Sometimes we have to be reminded of the plain and simple things. This is one of those things that can get lost in the noise.
Rick
Amber,
You are not talking in circles. I hear you and you are making sense to me.
Amber,
You are not talking in circles. I hear you and you are making sense to me.
I want to be geographically independent!!! I want to make a living from whatever homestead beckons my family (most likely the US or South Africa but with two travelers as heads of household there’s really no need to limit ourselves, right?). This keeps me editing posts late at night, after my kleintjie has been tucked in to bed; keeps me from deleting my ReadWriteWeb recaps without reading them (even if I have five sitting in my inbox); and keeps my eyes steady when I look into my husband’s to tell him I am going to do everything I’m able to ensure our son knows his ENTIRE family.
Thanks for giving me a reason to shout my goal from the mountaintop…emphasis through repetition!
.-= Beth Coetzee´s last blog ..Good Businesses in a Price Economy =-.
I want to be geographically independent!!! I want to make a living from whatever homestead beckons my family (most likely the US or South Africa but with two travelers as heads of household there’s really no need to limit ourselves, right?). This keeps me editing posts late at night, after my kleintjie has been tucked in to bed; keeps me from deleting my ReadWriteWeb recaps without reading them (even if I have five sitting in my inbox); and keeps my eyes steady when I look into my husband’s to tell him I am going to do everything I’m able to ensure our son knows his ENTIRE family.
Thanks for giving me a reason to shout my goal from the mountaintop…emphasis through repetition!
.-= Beth Coetzee´s last blog ..Good Businesses in a Price Economy =-.
The simple answers to life’s problems are often the best… and the hardest to see… and the hardest to commit too…
Thank you for sharing your epiphany. When you are ready to learn, the teacher will come.
The simple answers to life’s problems are often the best… and the hardest to see… and the hardest to commit too…
Thank you for sharing your epiphany. When you are ready to learn, the teacher will come.