It absolutely invigorates me that this is really and truly the age of the entrepreneur, the era when anyone can be nearly anything they want and that businesses can be started with a few hundred bucks, an idea, and a blog.
I think it’s disrupting business as we know it for the better, and I have personally benefited greatly from an era that doesn’t care whether or not I have a degree, and allows me to work in exciting positions and take my own crack at being an entrepreneur.
Much like other people in my position, I’ve worked really hard, made big sacrifices, and put a lot on the line to do this. But I’m frustrated that there’s another group of folks that are driven more by shortcutting, mooching, and shirking the hard work and aren’t afraid to ask for stuff that to me feels out of line. It has me thinking a bit more about helping others, and whether there can and should be limits.
Where Help Is Plentiful
I’m often happy to get together over coffee or on the phone and answer questions, or offer a take on a particularly sticky question or puzzle. I’m happy to share some of the lessons I’ve learned through my career, many of which I write about right here too.
I respond to a lot of emails, speak at a ton of events, give away my book, point people to resources I’m familiar with that can be helpful, all that jazz. In short, I’m not at all averse to being helpful and giving stuff away, which is why I’ve written here for four years, published free ebooks, done a bunch of webinars, all of which are chock full of real-world things I’ve experienced and want to share.
That doesn’t make me some kind of an altruist, In fact, I think helping each other is part of how we forge great relationships in our professional careers, and find the people that we like to work with and share our vision and aspirations. That’s a great feeling, and it benefits the greater good while it benefits me, too.
The short way to think about it: I’m always happy to share a lot of the ‘what’ and the ‘why’ of my experience to people if it can be useful to them.
Sharing certain types of the ‘how’ is where it gets tricky.
When Help Isn’t Forthcoming
Forgive me for being a bit selfish sounding here and tell you when you’re going to ask me for something and get a big resounding “No.”
No I’m not going to give you a copy of one of my proposals as a “sample”.
No I’m not going to give you my rate sheet and pricing.
No I’m not going to share with you the details of how I run my social business audits.
No I’m not going to give you a strategic plan or executive workshop materials I’ve developed for a client, anonymous or otherwise.
No I’m not going to share with you the contracts and terms I’ve worked hard to develop (and likely paid good money to lawyers to review as well).
I’m all for collaboration and knowledge sharing in the right environments with the right colleagues, namely people I trust and have a wonderful, cooperative working relationship with. That’s relationship that is earned over time. I can count those people in my circles on one hand, and they might be exceptions to the above.
But I’m bothered by the entitlement that can sometimes come with a superficial connection, say a Twitter follow or having met once at a conference in passing, or the commonality of being in the same line of work.
The “how” of what I do what I do is my secret sauce, my championship BBQ rub, my individual recipe for problem solving. That’s what makes me valuable to my clients and that’s what I’ve developed the ability to get paid for. My “how” is comprised of years of experience, lots of trial and even more error, hard work, failures, feedback, more work, and lots and lots of road miles putting this stuff into practice for the better part of 15 years.
There’s a big difference between swapping a few tricks of the trade over coffee and giving away very valuable, expensive, labor intensive and competitively advantageous materials or processes that I’ve worked incredibly hard to develop for my work and my company. Which is also my livelihood.
Rather than hand those over to you and give you a short cut, I’m liable to tell you to go build your own. Learn like I did. Pay the money to get expert help (I’d be happy to help you develop your offerings, but I have fees. But I’m also likely to offer my feedback for nothing on materials you’ve developed yourself). All in all, it will serve you much better anyway because you’ll actually learn and come to understand the work and process that goes into things like this. Which prepares you better for later, and the business you’re trying to build.
Where’s the Love?
I know, I know. Stingy me. This is all supposed to be “social”, which means there aren’t supposed to be barriers to sharing and communal knowledge, right?
Sorry. I don’t buy that. Being social does not equal being an absolutely open book, especially when business success is sometimes about sharing…and sometimes about knowing when to protect what’s uniquely yours.
You’ve worked hard for what you’ve earned, too. I would never call up someone I hardly know and ask them to give me the secrets or critical tools to their business. If I’m calling a colleague for advice, I’m going to ask what their rates are first. I’d never ask you to give me your Gramma’s secret apple pie recipe. (Ok, that one I might try to wheedle out of you unless you were making millions selling them on the internet.)
Business is tough. It’s rewarding. It’s exhilarating and can be world changing. And it’s also work.
I’m surprised that these sorts of things need talking about, but two inquiries to share substantial stuff this week had me thinking that perhaps this isn’t so much common sense at all.
What do you think? Am I being a hard ass? Am I dead wrong? Should it always be share and share alike? Do you have boundaries for what you’ll give away from the backstage of your business, and what are they?
I’d love to hear your thoughts.
AMEN Amber!!!
I know this is something you and I’ve talked a lot about and we both know how often it happens. People get angry when you won’t give it all away for free.
Thank you for writing this. Someday enough people will have said this that others will finally wake up. Maybe…
Thanks, C.C. Maybe it’ll give someone pause before they ask for something that’s just a bit over the line.
When someone pushes too far, I say something like, “Sure, I can help you with that. Why don’t we schedule something more formal.” It works.
That’s a great line, Jodi. Probably very helpful to some people. Thanks for sharing it.
GREAT idea, Jodi. Love that.
That works and I’ve used it… but I like to set a 15 minute frame. As in, “I can give you 15 minutes of my time to frame out your situation over lunch. If you’d like a formal analysis and review with solutions, we’ll need to set an appointment and set up a client services account. Which do you think will serve your needs best?” More clients this way, fewer “surfers.”
There is a big difference between helping prospective clients and helping the competition. The former are deserving of help and will generate a positive ROI in the long run. The latter are hangers-on who need to do the work themselves and to whom you owe nothing.
Coca-Cola may from time to time decide to donate product to local schools or sporting events for good will, promotional purposes and corporate social responsibility. But it won’t – and shouldn’t be expected to – share its recipe with Pepsi in the name of playing nice together and leveling the playing field.
Good distinction, John. And it’s not even that I’m averse to helping competition; I believe in the “coopetition” mindset a lot of times, but there are limits. And this is my living we’re talking about here. Thanks for the comment.
True. The limits are the key, even with prospective clients. I’m dealing with someone right now who is pushing those limits.
That’s a really hard one. I like Jodi’s line above about formalizing something. It’s really tough to draw the line between “business development” to demonstrate to a client that you’re willing and able to help, and when you’re into the territory of giving your work away for free. My “share the why and the what but get paid for the how” helps sometimes, but definitely not always.
Amber, you and C.C. BOTH talk about this a lot, which leads me to believe it HAPPENS a lot. I don’t take either of you for people who post this stuff for the sake of simply whining about it. If you were asked for “proprietary” information or to provide a service gratis once in a while, you’d probably just brush it off. But it is obviously a big enough problem to warrant fairly regular attention.
Will people learn? Perhaps some will, but for sure others will never “get it”. People want hand-outs. People don’t want to work for it themselves, or at least pay someone with the expertise.So, good on you both for speaking out.
P.S. Can we meet for coffee?
It does happen a lot. And I brush off a lot of the requests as simply the requester not really realizing how much they’re asking for. And like I said, I’ve definitely given away plenty over the years, but there is a line when I’m just going to say “I’m sorry, that one you’ll have to figure out on your own.”
And coffee? Sure. 🙂
You bring up interesting points, but I would also offer up the following question: should you be determining who gets the “freebies”, or should the nature of the requester determine that? While I completely understand (and agree) that any professional must be weary of competition, imitation is also the greatest form of flattery.
Besides, copywrites and patents are made for a reason and can be helpful in limiting plagiarism.
Think about your time growing and developing into the professional you are today. While you obviously put in a ton of work and paid your dues on the way up – both figuratively and literally – you also likely received a valuable “freebie” tip along the way.
I’ve given away TONS of things over the years, Adam, and certainly I’ve had help given to me along the way. But there’s a line where I wouldn’t ask OR expect someone to share the intricate details of how they run their business, or what their secrets are. If they share them voluntarily that’s one thing, but asking is presumptuous and even rude.
Ultimately, I AM the person that decides when I’ll share something and when I won’t. It’s not just about being wary of the competition. And I don’t agree that imitation is the greatest form of flattery. Sometimes it’s just flat out laziness or the desire to ride on someone’s coattails in order to shortcut something.
As for copyrights and patents, sure they exist, but they’re not applicable to everything and they certainly don’t deter the ill intended from swiping things anyway.
Ask anyone that knows me and they’ll tell you I’m incredibly liberal with what I share. But there’s a line, and I intend to hold to it.
Amber, I always feel better about my choices after I read what you have to say about these subjects – needless to say, I agree completely.
But this response is so absolutely on tack-point – I was almost cheering! I *despise* that ‘imitation is complimentary’ rationalization.
Deliciously and ironically, people who behave like lazy *profiteering* shortcutters who also use this argument are actually admitting to their nature.
The original quote is “Imitation is the sincerest of flattery” coined by Charles Caleb Colton in a time when the word ‘flattery’ meant ‘insincere praise’ as opposed to ‘compliment’. Really, it is an ingenious play on words meaning imitation is the truest (sincere) expression of insincerity. It was formed as a criticism of people who behaved *exactly* as you described.
Once again, your keen insight just plain wipes away the dis-information. Thanks for being you.
I completely agree. The same can be said for all those little things you get asked to do, that individually don’t amount to anything, but all together add up to quite a lot. Time is money, but that only becomes apparent when it is you running the business.
I love doing little favors for people and giving a leg up to someone who needs a hand. But you’re right, everyone needs to determine for themselves how many of those things they can do before they actually cut into the work they’re doing. It’s a fine balance, isn’t it?
You are “dead right” – Yet, even with all your “secrets” they are not you – your own uniqueness can’t be cloned. But asking and expecting you to give this stuff away is just rude and clearly speaks to their character – the industry doen’t need those folks out there messing up the business for everyone else.
That’s one thing I think a lot of people don’t realize. Even if I DID give you my toolbox, it’s different when someone else is wielding the hammer. But I feel like it’s perfectly within a professional’s bounds to keep certain practices proprietary.
“But I’m bothered by the entitlement that can sometimes come with a superficial connection, say a Twitter follow or having met once at a conference in passing, or the commonality of being in the same line of work.”
I think that’s the rub – the superficial connections. It’s one thing if we are friends, colleagues, or co-workers. However, as you stated, I still think it’s proper etiquette to ask what that person charges before really digging in.
It’s tough sometimes to say no. I feel icky doing it. I want to help. But … I also gotta buy diapers for soon-to-be-Baby Boy Waldow.
Great stuff, Amber.
It’s partly the superficial connections, but there are some requests that would put me off even from my closest colleagues. It’s a respect thing, I guess, especially when knowledge work IS your job.
Saying no is far more important in business than saying yes. Trust me.
So that time I asked for the PIN number for your bank card – that was out of line????
You’re drawing the line in the right places, Amber! Some secret sauce needs to stay secret. Period.
It’s just the way it is, even in our open, collaborative world. I’ll send you that PIN just as soon as I get that US President gig I’ve been gunning for…
Thanks Amber for putting it so well! As an entrepreneur in the Mobile Solutions field, I’m continually approached for “free handouts” that require great amounts of time and knowledge on my part. Jodi’s approach to suggesting that one schedule something “more formal” is a sure fired way of making “takers” disappear.
Let’s hope that you’re message get’s through.
It won’t, or not to the offenders. Unfortunately, the reality is that posts like these are written for my own sake, and for others who are wondering whether they’re out of line for drawing boundaries. Validation, if you will.
I’d be really surprised if writing something like this makes someone stop and say “huh, maybe I’m asking too much of people.”. But then again, you never do know…
Brava! This is something that needed to be said.
In a fit of pique over this very issue I took my whole blog offline last month. Four years worth of “how-tos” and best practices that were solving plenty of problems but not driving any revenue. I now have a smaller and more-engaged audience that is both lucrative and rewarding.
I am looking forward to see your next steps.
I’ll keep sharing a lot of the why and the what. But it’s always funny to me when people get upset on a blog or even in a webinar or a conference session that we aren’t laying out every detail of the how-to for them to take back and use. Knowledge work is valuable too, and it deserves the same respect that a product purveyor would get (though I know from experience that the entitled exist in every industry).
Very well-said.
Thanks, Emily. Appreciate your stopping by.
Love this Amber, and all the comments are great too! Gives all of us “ammunition” to deal with these types of situations!!
The idea of this kind of post is to remind people that use their brains for a living that it’s okay to keep some stuff to yourself. Collaboration is great and you can share a LOT without giving away the farm at the same time. But preserving your value is a cornerstone to being a good and successful businessperson.
Absolutely 100%! I am approached on a daily basis by people who want me to GIVE AWAY my ‘stuff’ …. I’m a Doctor. There is a reason I did it – I have a bigger goal on the horizon. I will help but I will not simply hand over 30+ years of professional experience because someone else thinks they shouldn’t have to work for it… or pay. Yes, it very, very frustrating. drheidimaston.com
It is. You can always invoice them for a part of your education costs… I kid I kid.
It’s amazing what people will ask for. It’s also shocking who those people are. They should know better.
Still waiting on your sample materials to appear in my inbox. Stingy, indeed. 😉
I’ll get right on it…
Absolutely, positively correct! I have developed a list of links and resources that I share when people ask for advice, recipes, vendors, etc. It’s a bit of a “shortcut” but that’s as far as I go for casual acquaintances. These things are developed over years and, as you say, with much investment of time, money, and energy. Incredible that it needs saying, but you’ve said it just right. Thank you for this! I’m sharing it!!
Spot on, Emily! I send people to my umbrella site and there they can find links, advice, connections, etc. that they can follow til their heart is content.
I’m a field that shares probably more than others – but what is disturbing to me is that a lot of the people share, muddy the waters, call it ‘Best Practices’ and then wonder why it doesn’t work. Someone once describe it to me as a person who owns a car, read the book on how to drive, talks about driving this car – but has never driven a car. Can’t/won’t/doesn’t work. People need to learn to drive.
That’s a great approach, Emily. Provide resources that you ARE comfortable with, publish them somewhere, and point people to them. It draws a clear boundary (if it isn’t on this page, you pay for it) and allows you to share your knowledge and resources at the same time to whatever extend you’re okay with.
Oh boo, Amber, don’t you want to give away everything you’ve learned, earned or purchased?
From a recommendation to a professionally written contract, saying “no” becomes easier if we keep a running total of the value of what we’re asked to give away.
That’s a good way to look at it, Mike. Opportunity cost is a very real thing in business, and unfortunately I think NOT accounting for it is one of the downfalls of many small businesses and entrepreneurs.
You are absolutely spot on, Amber. People deserve to be fairly compensated for their work product be it a tangible “thing” or not. When knowledge is your product, it can be tricky, but asking people to give you their expertise for free is no different than asking Chevy to give you a free car.
That’s definitely one of the misconceptions about knowledge work. If it’s just “ideas” or something that can’t be seen, touched, and felt, it’s harder to communicate the value and for people to see and respect that value. Classic conundrum of this type of work.
It Needed to be said and you said it well! Yes, we live in an age of information sharing, but there have to be boundaries.
I’m more and more convinced that good business is as much about the boundaries you draw as the ones that you break.
Nicely said. I will happily sit down with folks over a cup of coffee to explain the what and why, but the how is what people pay me for … in fact they pay me a LOT for that know-how. It’s always interesting that some people feel they are entitled to having it for free. Sorry, but no!
And they get offended when you draw the line, as if you’ve instantly become stingy with your experience. I wrote just a couple of weeks ago about the value of actually letting people pick your brain, and I totally believe it (and do it often). But there’s always a point where, if the person doesn’t realize it themselves, I have to say “I’m so glad you’re thinking about stuff like that, and I’d be glad to help, but that’s the territory in which I get paid for the work.”
Some people are really gracious and understanding. Some… well. Not so much.
When I’m in ‘the brain pick position’ I will summarize my results for someone but I will not automatically show them the path I took to get there. My brain costs $… as do my thought processes. Most people want to find out the ‘how and why’ not just the ‘what’. Some, as you say, “…are gracious and understanding Some…. well… not so much.”
As a speaker, I get similar requests for “free speeches” and adapted a page I think I originally got from C.C. (not sure anymore). It’s a great way to handle people who might not “appreciate” my value as a speaker. If anyone wants to use it, I am happy to share this particular “how” … so feel free to copy and adapt. Here’s the link … http://gilspeaks.com/yes/
Exactly! I truly agree… except, I’m a bit surprised to see not a single comment of decent/nuance. I find that sometimes sharing the ‘how’ is not so bad, because it’s the top-level answer. The question gets answered, but the requester has to then research to get the specifics (I know enough not to share everything 🙂 And in this world of increasing distractions, they may never get around to truly competing anyway.
I often find that the person doesn’t see things how I did and so comes up with a very different result. Many times they simply give up – giving deference and homage to my ingenuity and foresight. hehe – yeah, that’s right, stroke my ego 🙂
Still, in certain industries you have to guard every detail, because loose lips do sink ships 🙁
You mentioned quantifying the cost of knowledge work – I look at the cost of *not* using the knowledge that I pass on. I work in software, so that means I’m generally replacing someone’s job, or saving someone time by automating something. I calculate all that time (or cost) over a 3-year-period and then tell them how much they’re saving/making by using my skills. Suddenly the cost of *me* pales in comparison to what they’re gaining, and most clients buy. If they can’t afford to buy, sorry, but I’m not a bank.
You are SO right on this, Amber! Respecting the intellectual property, hard work and creativity of another admired enough at least to ask, is the bottomline. You are very generous to offer your time and input as you do!
People often don’t realize plugging in a method, formula, plan or idea developed by someone else doesn’t guarantee their success, if implemented.
When working in the realm of ideas and creativity, this is a sticky situation with prospective clients as well — how far to draw the line in creative, when pitching, etc.
I get asked that all the time, “Hey, wanna grab some coffee? You do social media right?” It gets very, very old and never seems to end. Granted, when it turns into a paying gig, it’s great. But if someone just wants use of my knowledge, experience and skills, it’s a huge waste of time that I will never get back or that could’ve been used elsewhere.
As I said in a very similar post, we live in a very selfish society right now. People want something for nothing and they want it right now. Learning how to say “No” or deflecting a request so that people learn that you don’t give away your kit bag for free is hard to do…but also very empowering.
Test
You’re dead right, Amber. I’ve actually left a major association in my profession because their list serve consisted consisted mostly of requests for the high level stuff you mention in your post. As a communication maven, I get untold opportunities to work for free, to “have an opportunity to market” myself, or to have my brain picked over lunch. So for the price of lunch, we’re supposed to give away what took us decades to build? Nah.
Thanks for so beautifully articulating the entrepreneur’s dilemma. I’ve been following your blog for a few months now and am enjoying how you think.
Excellent post. You’re setting boundaries that make business sense.
Sometimes people think social is bigger than business…it’s not. We still have to create value, because adding value (and being compensated for it) is what makes the business world go round.
There has always been an (under-appreciated) cooperative subtext to business. – and social has just make that more powerful. It hasn’t taken away the basic formula of creating value and trading it for money.
Here fricking here Amber – totally agree. You go girl
Knowledge is power and it takes time, education effort to accrue that base. Your post again hits the nail squarely on the head, Amber.
I’m always happy to answer a brief email, Twitter question or even meet for coffee for a half hour, even an hour in some cases. When that person continues to milk me for information, including another, “let’s get together for coffee” when the only time you’ve EVER met was for the first cup, I, as Jodi suggested, offer an hourly fee (kindly, of course). That’s usually the last time I ever hear from the person, which tells you how serious they were about doing business from the outset.
Maybe if we equate our knowledge, which is, in essence, our product, to something tangible, people will get it. It might alleviate a lot of frustration in the long run.
Absolutely agree Amber! Perfectly stated and lots of great ideas in the comments, too. I just had this happen to me again and the nerve of some people boggles my mind.
I rekon you’ve just put into words what so many of us think anyway! Awesome… thanks
Great post! Lots of useful info. Also, great comments. 🙂
It happens, for sure… I’ve had my share of acquaintances (note: true friends have never asked me for something like this for free) asking just for the things you mention, and like it’s been said in the comments already, most of the time they get angry at me not giving up my secret sauce for free.
This information will help me be better prepared to answer next time. Thank you very much.
Great post Amber. It is one thing to share the tips, resources and experiences with others so they can learn and build their own. But for someone to ask you for your secret sauce or to get a short cut! I think that is completely out of line! They are just lazy, just like what Shaktipaj said. I do like Jodi Kaplan’s line though. Heidi also brought an excellent point. Some time we have to qualify clients to see if they are serious about their business or want to waste your time and take advantage. Thanks everyone for all the comments.
Amber…just had this post shared with me today b/c I had this discussion with a colleague. I create info products so most of my IP is processes and I specialize in “process engineering” as I like to refer to it…so here’s what I think (I mean this all with utmost kindness which is sometimes difficult to convey with written digital words).
1. I agree with your intention of this post both as a statement to say “value yourself more to your readers” as well as a defense against those that might take advantage of you.
However, I think the way this article comes across to me (again I mean this totally constructively 🙂 ) as what I call “intellectual entitlement.” I say this because everyone I know who is obscenely rich or successful by society’s standards and stays that way rarely charges people whom make a first impression that is positive and nice. I got a 4 hour coaching in college from the President of a Fortune 50 company who…as he put it…”writes checks for projects in the 100+ million dollar market.”
He taught me leadership, systems, etc and stuff that a college sophomore couldn’t even use for decades but did so knowing that someone had given him a leg up.
I find this type of “I worked hard for my processes, ideas, etc” to usually (not saying in your case as I don’t know and I mean that with utmost courtesy) be overrated.
My colleague who I discussed this whole thing with today has recently grown a lot and at times makes statements that show a lack of gratitude. Your processes, thoughts, systems, etc might have taken you a long time to develop but they are most likely developed based on observation, testing, tweaking, etc..which all come from observing others. Most people rarely innovate much and in fact (I forget where I read this) but GM’s first major designer back in the 1930’s created a car that looked like the popular big fin cars fo the 1950s…he was 20 years ahead and he was fired for changing up the look from the model T.
True innovation is rare (think PC’s, Windows, Coca Cola, etc)…most of what passes for innovation is actually tweaked observation of others which is still equally valuable but must be credited to those observed more than the innovator.
Hopefully this comes across properly. I sincerely respect your frankness and I fully admit that I haven’t read the rest of your blog yet and some of this may appear ignorant and naive based on that…which is fine…I mean it with utmost respect for your work which I can obviously see you being someone smart, valuable, nice, kind and all that good stuff…but based on my experience dealing with 99.9% intangible things as my business I’m careful to ever feel entitled in any way b/c that’s a dangerous road to follow.
Have a wonderful day and wish you awesomeness 🙂
Brad
Good for you, Amber. There are some people who will take and take and take, as much as they can get, as long as it’s free. When you’ve worked so hard to build your own business, there’s only so much that you should be sharing for free! I am one of the people who appreciates all that you do share though, so please don’t stop!!
Amber, your boundaries really resonate with me. This post also reminded me of the importance of having patience when you are developing your business.
Thanks!
-Mattias
Wonderful post Amber! Great insights here. I love the way you draw the line between what can be shared or not. I also love the way you set the boundaries as to where friendship stops and where real business begins. Cheers!
Amber, this is a great post. I’ve recently been made aware of a situation where I shared too much information with a client/consultant.
He is a marketing consultant for one of my clients. Turns out, he took my suggestions and ran with them. Not for the client, but for his consulting business.
He now proudly showcases the new services on his own website. It’s easy for him to do so, since I so willingly (boasting) laid out the business model for him.
You live and you learn? If I knew then… what I know now?
Very well said! And you’ve just helped us see where the thin
line where helping others ends and where being in the business begins. No you’re not being a hard ass, you’re just teaching
the others to find their way on their own so that they can also realize their
dreams.
These are the things that continues to happen and people dont realize even after doing it.. so i hope atleast after reading this post out people will wake up.. you have done a great job AMber