This big, vast world of social media is a boon indeed. We’re humanizing comunication left and right with it, and that means big opportunity for businesses to bring down some walls and make better connections with their customers.
It also means that there are opportunities for lots of virtual ice breaking around interpersonal relationships. Twitter has become a great example of this; it’s like we’re introduced before we meet, so that when we inevitably end up face to face, a little something feels just a little bit more familiar than it might have otherwise.
But familiarity isn’t intimacy. It’s not trust, and it’s not implicit permission to cross invisible lines. The rules of common courtesy and respect haven’t changed, they just have a number of channels now in which to manifest. So why are we in such a hurry to get from familiar to intimate?
I find now that one of the prevaling risks of social media is implicit intimacy. That just because you’ve had a conversation or two on Twitter with someone or you’ve exchanged comments over some mutual blog posts, suddenly there’s an assumption – sometimes misplaced – of comfort and trust that might be a bit premature.
I’m not Debbie Downer, really I’m not. I love what all this new communication mindset has done for me and I’ve written effusively about how it’s transformed many of my relationships for the better, more quickly. There’s no doubt of it’s power in that regard, and I embrace that.
So I suppose with good comes…uncomfortable? The time when you find that the questions become increasingly personal, or the assumption of trust is a bit brash and too much information is shared too early, or…what else?
I suppose I’m treating my newfound relationships here as introductions, and a sort of initial litmus test. Even blossoming friendship. Some conversations and interactions very naturally graduate to greater levels of familiarity over time, sometimes quickly. But I’m not making assumptions about that level of intimacy or trust until my relationships evolve to that place naturally.
As a business, I may be able to build trust with my customers, but I risk rushing over that line very easily don’t I? Being too familiar, too personal, and assuming too much?
Am I the only one struggling with this new set of boundaries? Are you finding that yours have changed, and are you changing your interactions as a result? Help me talk this through.
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Right there with you on many points, Amber. Through twitter I really feel like I “know” some people and it’s definitely great primer before a meeting in real life. I really like how @garyvee put it: Twitter (following) is the handshake portion. My other difficulty is with all the extra conversation happening, who do I pay close attention to? I value everyone’s unique input and opinion, but it’s nearly impossible to watch everyone’s stream. There seems to be natural gravitation and chance “meets” that frequently happen.
All in all, I love twitter & really enjoy these “introductions.”
Howards last blog post..My Valentine’s Day Serenade Gift To You! 🙂
Right there with you on many points, Amber. Through twitter I really feel like I “know” some people and it’s definitely great primer before a meeting in real life. I really like how @garyvee put it: Twitter (following) is the handshake portion. My other difficulty is with all the extra conversation happening, who do I pay close attention to? I value everyone’s unique input and opinion, but it’s nearly impossible to watch everyone’s stream. There seems to be natural gravitation and chance “meets” that frequently happen.
All in all, I love twitter & really enjoy these “introductions.”
Howards last blog post..My Valentine’s Day Serenade Gift To You! 🙂
Amber
Very interesting post. Honestly, hadn’t ever really thought about it but after a few moments of reflection, you are dead on. I myself have actually been guilty of this very thing I think.
Question though: do you think there is any regional culture aspects to this phenomenon. For instance, here in Louisiana, folks are much quicker to befriend and share than say, NYC. Yes I know I shouldn’t generalize, but you get the point. Just a thought that came to mind as I read.
Tom Martins last blog post..Rethinking Blogger Relations
Amber
Very interesting post. Honestly, hadn’t ever really thought about it but after a few moments of reflection, you are dead on. I myself have actually been guilty of this very thing I think.
Question though: do you think there is any regional culture aspects to this phenomenon. For instance, here in Louisiana, folks are much quicker to befriend and share than say, NYC. Yes I know I shouldn’t generalize, but you get the point. Just a thought that came to mind as I read.
Tom Martins last blog post..Rethinking Blogger Relations
I don’t know you, Amber, from many other bloggers, but you are familiar to me and I trust you. What does that say about those assumptions and broken walls?
Frankly, I’d respond you’re analyzing too much.
Ari Herzogs last blog post..Your Status Updates on Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter: A Snapshot in Time
I don’t know you, Amber, from many other bloggers, but you are familiar to me and I trust you. What does that say about those assumptions and broken walls?
Frankly, I’d respond you’re analyzing too much.
Ari Herzogs last blog post..Your Status Updates on Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter: A Snapshot in Time
@Ari, you’re perfectly entitled to that response. I’m talking about it because it’s on my mind. I’d say social communication of all kinds raises all sorts of personal questions about boundaries and information sharing and trust and all of that. Many of those same tools have brought me relationships that are closer than I could have hoped for, and that I cherish very much.
I’m certainly not the first to analyze too much, nor discuss this topic. Won’t be the last either. It’s okay. It’s my blog. That’s what it’s for.
Interesting question. It’s like the old “When is too much information too much?” question.
I’m guessing there has been a reason for this particular post (wasn’t that dead chicken I sent for Valentine’s Day, was it?) 😉
But I hear you. A lot of *faux* relationships are viewed as much more by some people, although I’d say that’s just as true in the physical workplace. Just because we’re work buddies doesn’t mean all my secrets are yours, and vice versa.
We’ll continue to build and foster relationships, but trust is one commodity that you’ll have to earn from me. Not being harsh, just realistic – would you give me the keys to your Ferrari without asking if I could drive? 🙂
Interesting question. It’s like the old “When is too much information too much?” question.
I’m guessing there has been a reason for this particular post (wasn’t that dead chicken I sent for Valentine’s Day, was it?) 😉
But I hear you. A lot of *faux* relationships are viewed as much more by some people, although I’d say that’s just as true in the physical workplace. Just because we’re work buddies doesn’t mean all my secrets are yours, and vice versa.
We’ll continue to build and foster relationships, but trust is one commodity that you’ll have to earn from me. Not being harsh, just realistic – would you give me the keys to your Ferrari without asking if I could drive? 🙂
@Danny Believe it or not, there wasn’t a reason. Not a personal one, anyway. I’ve heard this discussion with and among a few other people I know, and it just got me thinking.
And you’re right that it’s not exclusive to online relationships. There’s always “that guy/girl” you work with that doesn’t understand personal boundaries, right? I wonder if the speed of online communication just makes that more visible.
Trust, as you say, is earned. What I’m finding interesting is all the ways now that one *can* earn. It’s not the same as it used to be. 🙂
(oh and PS, if I had a Ferrari, I wouldn’t be out of it long enough for anyone else to drive. I might even sleep in it. I might.)
You raise some valid points about boundaries and relationships. This has always been an issue in ‘real’ life too – how we treat new acquaintances, business contacts or fellow employees – but it’s much more difficult in the ‘virtual’ world.
That dynamic first came up with email, as it’s not possible to ‘hear’ the senders tone and there is no body language attached. The potential for crossing lines became a problem for many in both a personal and professional context.
Social media, which has extended this virtual communication paradigm from email to blogs, Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn, complicates matters even further.
The level of understanding, or intimacy, that one gains from a series of long emails is quite different than a rash of 140 character tweets. As I’ve monitored my own and others tweets the one factor that I see most often is trying to do too much too soon due to the text limitation.
What I tell people is to go slow and allow the conversation and relationship to simmer – don’t rush things or assume too much, and above all, conduct all interactions from a place of respect.
You raise some valid points about boundaries and relationships. This has always been an issue in ‘real’ life too – how we treat new acquaintances, business contacts or fellow employees – but it’s much more difficult in the ‘virtual’ world.
That dynamic first came up with email, as it’s not possible to ‘hear’ the senders tone and there is no body language attached. The potential for crossing lines became a problem for many in both a personal and professional context.
Social media, which has extended this virtual communication paradigm from email to blogs, Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn, complicates matters even further.
The level of understanding, or intimacy, that one gains from a series of long emails is quite different than a rash of 140 character tweets. As I’ve monitored my own and others tweets the one factor that I see most often is trying to do too much too soon due to the text limitation.
What I tell people is to go slow and allow the conversation and relationship to simmer – don’t rush things or assume too much, and above all, conduct all interactions from a place of respect.
I’m very glad you’ve written about this. I’m been on many social networking sites, and as a young college graduate I’ve been using LinkedIn to connect with others in my field. But I’m coming across the problem of people using a business networking site as a dating forum and it worries me about putting too much information out there. Do people need a training class on social networking just like on how to interview?
I’m very glad you’ve written about this. I’m been on many social networking sites, and as a young college graduate I’ve been using LinkedIn to connect with others in my field. But I’m coming across the problem of people using a business networking site as a dating forum and it worries me about putting too much information out there. Do people need a training class on social networking just like on how to interview?
Funny how we both chose to write posts along the same lines at the same time. I just posted my entry and saw a friend’s tweet about your post. I think we’re onto something.
We could even expand on this being a problem since the grand days of BBS, only the consequences can be more serious since IM and SM came into the picture.
Tony
Tony Chungs last blog post..Internet—forever but not permanent
Funny how we both chose to write posts along the same lines at the same time. I just posted my entry and saw a friend’s tweet about your post. I think we’re onto something.
We could even expand on this being a problem since the grand days of BBS, only the consequences can be more serious since IM and SM came into the picture.
Tony
Tony Chungs last blog post..Internet—forever but not permanent