You’re in a meeting with a boss or your client, and it happens.

They present an idea or a plan, and your inner monologue says “WHAT? No way. No, no, no. We can’t do it that way.”

Disagreements and debates are inevitable, even healthy and progressive. But you can’t always be fighting upstream, so it’s important to choose your battles and focus your energy where it matters most. Here are six questions to ask yourself and help determine if today’s battle is one worth waging.

1. Is the investment required to make this argument worth the outcome?

Negotiating, making a case, and taking an alternative stance can require a significant time investment. Especially if your point of view or proposal requires many other people to change their way of thinking, you can be looking at several discussions over a significant period of time in order to make progress. And progress might come slowly, in small steps, even backwards ones along the way.

And never forget that debate is an intensely human thing. If you’re not careful about your approach, you can alienate people, hurt feelings, or cast yourself as the perpetual contrarian with a negative attitude. Learn to disagree constructively.

2. Is my disagreement fundamental or superficial?

Sometimes when we’re passionate about something, we can get swept up in the details and semantics, and argue against those instead of what’s really at issue. Take a moment to breathe, and decide whether you’re resisting a subtlety of approach or detail, or whether you’re really looking for an alternative to the root issue for a significant reason. The latter might be worth your time. The former probably isn’t.

3. Can I back up my argument with a solution?

If you’re disagreeing with how something is being approached, you need to to be able to offer a viable alternative. It’s not useful or helpful to just dislike or point out all the reasons why something won’t work. Instead, you need to be able to articulate and illustrate how a different approach might be more effective or efficient or simply more attractive for whatever reason. If you can’t offer an alternative, or aren’t willing to work to find one, you’re just stirring up trouble.

4. Is the opposite outcome detrimental to my work, or just an inconvenience or irritation?

Stop for a moment and honestly consider what might happen if you’re overruled. Will this get squarely in the way of progress for you? Does it go against the law, your morals or your ethics? Or is it something you can work around, even if it’s a bit of a bitter pill? Framing things in terms of the unattractive option will sometimes help you understand whether or not you really need to fight, or whether you can  just let it go.

5. Is there a middle ground I can live with?

Compromise matters a lot. Few issues are truly black and white, so think about where the grey areas are for you. Take your ideal scenario, and move toward the opposite a step or two. Is that livable? Which elements and ideals are negotiable, and which ones are core to your beliefs, goals, or ability to meet expectations.

6. Will I care about this six months from now?

Resist getting swept up in the moment and losing perspective about how this issue fits into the proverbial big picture. Is this a temporary annoyance or obstacle? Will you care in a month? Six months? A year? What’s the residual impact of either approach or middle-of-the-road alternatives, and can you live with that?

Sometimes, resistance is Borgishly futile. Sometimes it’s just plain unnecessary. Other times, presenting alternatives, pushing for change or compromise is a good thing, or even an essential one.

But perpetual contrarians rarely retain credibility over time. Pick your battles carefully, and you might just win the next one that really, truly matters to you.

image by Paul J Everett
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